I'm almost back home, which means I'll be back into the "regular" swing of blogging.
However, in the meantime, I thought I'd touch on a touch of parental difficulty I went through at home. You know, instead of just talking about it with my dad like a mature adult. Blogging: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
So, I was feeling awful a few days ago while at my dad's house with my two brothers and my brother's roommate. Me feeling bad was from lingering paranoia and depressive thoughts which originated from my self-deprecating view of how I am in relationships.
I was just trying to stay out of everyone's way, since everyone else was mostly watching football- so not an activity I had any wish to engage in- which was fine. Somewhere in the day, I realized how little I wanted to be there, but I wasn't going to say or do anything about it because I know it meant a lot to most of the people there that everyone was together- I get that.
However, after the hour long tribulation that was "what do we eat and how can I pinch as many pennies as possible, Mr. Krabs-style?" I let my depressive mood get the better of me. I didn't want to be involved with any of the ridiculous argumentation going on about saving five dollars worth of food that could be saved at any point in the future (the coupon could literally be used any time, but there we were, trying desperately to print one out for forty minutes). In the end, I opted out of food. Not good, I know. Didn't really care though.
My dad, for all the world trying to be a "nice" guy by helping me with my emotional problems, decided to try confronting me all eight feet away from everyone else in a volume that suggested he didn't seem concerned with matters of privacy. Looking back, I should have made up some really ultra-private issue to be upset about so that he'd realize why it's problematic to confront someone like that.
Regardless, I tried to get him to back away from his insistence that he was the person to help me (due to being my father), even though his best guess as to why I was "cranky" was because I hadn't eaten yet.
Parents who may be reading this- Your child does not owe you emotional exhibition. No one will EVER owe ANYONE else their sense of privacy if they don't wish to give it. It does not make you a good parent to demand it even if you may or may not know how to solve their problem. By the same token, you don't owe your child emotional asylum. It makes you a good parent to offer it in discretion whether or not they seek it, but you cannot demand that they use it, nor should you try to demand it in front of others. That's basically one of the surefire ways to ensure that your child will never seek that emotional asylum.
Emotions are intensely private and individual to each person. Many people go through the same emotions, but often for very different reasons, while simultaneously approaching their emotions in varying ways. Some are okay talking to others by virtue of them asking what's wrong. Others, like me, need to feel like we can trust you completely before we're willing to tell you much. Trust like that is not created by virtue of being a parent. It's earned by being there, being understanding, and knowing that your experience only means so much when it comes to someone else's subjective experience of the world. You don't have all the answers just because you're older or just because you solved your own problems or even just because you've managed to solve other peoples' problems. Your ways may have worked for you or some others, but they may not for someone else. That's the complication with every human being having different chemical balances in their brain.
When in doubt, offer asylum and drop the subject. That's how you build trust.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Friday, December 21, 2012
Merry Holidays!
Hey guys, have a happy [Insert holiday here], and enjoy your [Insert loved ones here].
I'm gonna' be out and about for a while. Maybe posting some, a lot, or not at all next week. We'll find out when we get there.
Please be safe and enjoy life.
Also, take the time to compliment each other. It makes people feel wanted and capable.
(Transylvania Compliments was a good idea, I think, and I still have a few more to send to them...)
-
Waddles
I'm gonna' be out and about for a while. Maybe posting some, a lot, or not at all next week. We'll find out when we get there.
Please be safe and enjoy life.
Also, take the time to compliment each other. It makes people feel wanted and capable.
(Transylvania Compliments was a good idea, I think, and I still have a few more to send to them...)
-
Waddles
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The Activism Train
I was thinking about this idea earlier this morning based on a few comments I always see/hear whenever any conversation about activism comes up.
Everyone in the "Activism Train" as I'm taking to calling it, is confident that their train car is more important than the other train cars. Don't get me wrong, you're all important. But none of you are the most important. The Activism Train isn't divisive between cars, but rather, it's divisive by how good a passenger you are.
I haven't explained myself yet, so this analogy is going to seem pretty murky- Let me get to the point.
PREFACE/WARNING: These categories are not mutually exclusive. You can be a member of one, all, some, or none of these categories at the same time. The descriptions of these categories will include some personality analysis that assumes an individual is only a member of a particular category. So, if you read something you disagree with, consider the possibility that you're falling into more than just that group, which means certain descriptions won't apply to you.
All current activism-based movements have several necessary parts that are required for the movement to function adequately.
1. First and foremost (while not more important, definitely the most obvious part), you have the victims. These are people to whom a tragedy has already happened. These are the people who remind us what life could be like if we don't engage in activism. As such, these are the main people who will inspire activism out of pity, sympathy, or fear that we might wind up like them some day.
The parents of the Sandy Hook school shooting.
People who have been wrongfully arrested.
Victims of prejudice, bigotry, systemic devaluation, racism, sexism.
People who have been swallowed by debt they don't deserve.
People who got the short end of the stick, the raw deal. Without the people who show you what life could be like for you or others, there would be no movement- no activism. Why? Because without victims, there is no problem. Nothing that needs solved.
These are the people who give a face to a movement.
2. Donators. These are the people who will fund a movement. People who have money and feel bad about a problem at the very least. Those who fall solely into this category sometimes just want to absolve themselves of guilt by noting that they have contributed actual currency to a cause.
"White, liberal, middle-class guilt" is often the descriptor- These are people who are willing to put ten dollars to helping people after a catastrophic earthquake. Or maybe some donated supplies or even blood/plasma/marrow. However, these people often do not have the time, energy, or eloquence to do much else for the movement. They're the people who give muscle to a movement.
3. "Slacktivists." This is a term that was coined with the rise of social media. A term I'm not fond of. The name implies that these are people who don't do anything, however, "Social Media Activists" (as I'm going to call them) provide a very necessary element for any movement. These are the people who keep the issue at the front of your mind whether you want it there or not. These are the people who are often writing pieces about the issue to convince those who may be on the fence. This is the role that bloggers, journalists, writers, and social media users occupy- usually to different degrees. If Donators are those without time/energy or eloquence to do anything else for a movement, then Social Media Activists are the people without the money or time/energy, but they can contribute eloquence. They are the people who give a voice/mind to a movement.
4. Demonstrators. These are the in-person activists. Protestors. People who are sometimes willing to go so far as to get arrested for the cause if it'll help. If SMAs are forcing you to read about it when you're at home, these are the people who will remind you when you're out driving or walking around town. These are the people who give a body to the movement. Where Donators represent the money and SMAs represent the eloquence, Demonstrators represent the time and energy in a movement.
Now don't get me wrong- All of these exist in varying degrees as well as varying categories. For example, I can be a "Demonstrator," even if I only show up to a single demonstration where four people sit around with a few signs and get high. I'm a Demonstrator, sure, but a weak one. Same goes for the SMA who posts a single Facebook status with a vague idea for why a movement might be needed. And a Donator can still be a Donator even if they only give a few bucks to a movement without ever contributing anything else.
This is why the ideal activist is either heavily invested in one category or well-invested in more than one. (Obviously, it's to that end that I probably cannot be considered a very good activist, but I try to provide no small amount of thought-provoking perspective. Whether I succeed or not is to be determined by everyone else)
Without the people willing to put their money to a movement, organization is sloppy and it doesn't have the ability to grab your attention, provide studies, or advertise.
Without people willing to put their eloquence to a movement, the movement doesn't have a clear message or a demanding media presence.
Without people willing to put their time and energy to a movement, the movement won't show people how serious the issue is or how seriously people are taking it.
Politicians speak the language of money and they're scared of crowds. That's why the 2nd and 4th categories of activists are typically the ones we acknowledge as legitimate. They can both have a measurable effect on the politicians who can physically enact change.
Contrarily, SMAs don't really do anything for politicians (except send them nosey emails that are likely thrown out). However, SMAs do reinforce the movement itself, which is much harder to measure. However, many Demonstrators and Donators are informed of the importance of a movement by SMAs.
And as I've said, there are people who are willing to do the bare minimum in the name of activism in order to feel better. And there are those who only do it to appear good in the eyes of others. Like all things, activism can be done for the wrong reasons or in truly mediocre quality/quantity.
It should also be noted that contributing the bare minimum is far easier for SMAs than the other two, which is part of the reason that this category is targeted for being "slackers," among other things.
Regardless- remember that all four elements are necessary for a movement to take off and be successful. Try reaching into multiple categories or pushing hard into one category. And while I said some negative things about every category, remember that they're sweeping generalizations and don't necessarily apply to you. Usually because you fit into more than one category to some degree.
(I know plenty of people who have donated and written about the recent Sandy Hook tragedy, for example).
Activism means a lot of different things for different people. Keep an open mind about the actual effect they may be having with their methodology.
-
Waddles
Everyone in the "Activism Train" as I'm taking to calling it, is confident that their train car is more important than the other train cars. Don't get me wrong, you're all important. But none of you are the most important. The Activism Train isn't divisive between cars, but rather, it's divisive by how good a passenger you are.
I haven't explained myself yet, so this analogy is going to seem pretty murky- Let me get to the point.
PREFACE/WARNING: These categories are not mutually exclusive. You can be a member of one, all, some, or none of these categories at the same time. The descriptions of these categories will include some personality analysis that assumes an individual is only a member of a particular category. So, if you read something you disagree with, consider the possibility that you're falling into more than just that group, which means certain descriptions won't apply to you.
All current activism-based movements have several necessary parts that are required for the movement to function adequately.
1. First and foremost (while not more important, definitely the most obvious part), you have the victims. These are people to whom a tragedy has already happened. These are the people who remind us what life could be like if we don't engage in activism. As such, these are the main people who will inspire activism out of pity, sympathy, or fear that we might wind up like them some day.
The parents of the Sandy Hook school shooting.
People who have been wrongfully arrested.
Victims of prejudice, bigotry, systemic devaluation, racism, sexism.
People who have been swallowed by debt they don't deserve.
People who got the short end of the stick, the raw deal. Without the people who show you what life could be like for you or others, there would be no movement- no activism. Why? Because without victims, there is no problem. Nothing that needs solved.
These are the people who give a face to a movement.
2. Donators. These are the people who will fund a movement. People who have money and feel bad about a problem at the very least. Those who fall solely into this category sometimes just want to absolve themselves of guilt by noting that they have contributed actual currency to a cause.
"White, liberal, middle-class guilt" is often the descriptor- These are people who are willing to put ten dollars to helping people after a catastrophic earthquake. Or maybe some donated supplies or even blood/plasma/marrow. However, these people often do not have the time, energy, or eloquence to do much else for the movement. They're the people who give muscle to a movement.
3. "Slacktivists." This is a term that was coined with the rise of social media. A term I'm not fond of. The name implies that these are people who don't do anything, however, "Social Media Activists" (as I'm going to call them) provide a very necessary element for any movement. These are the people who keep the issue at the front of your mind whether you want it there or not. These are the people who are often writing pieces about the issue to convince those who may be on the fence. This is the role that bloggers, journalists, writers, and social media users occupy- usually to different degrees. If Donators are those without time/energy or eloquence to do anything else for a movement, then Social Media Activists are the people without the money or time/energy, but they can contribute eloquence. They are the people who give a voice/mind to a movement.
4. Demonstrators. These are the in-person activists. Protestors. People who are sometimes willing to go so far as to get arrested for the cause if it'll help. If SMAs are forcing you to read about it when you're at home, these are the people who will remind you when you're out driving or walking around town. These are the people who give a body to the movement. Where Donators represent the money and SMAs represent the eloquence, Demonstrators represent the time and energy in a movement.
Now don't get me wrong- All of these exist in varying degrees as well as varying categories. For example, I can be a "Demonstrator," even if I only show up to a single demonstration where four people sit around with a few signs and get high. I'm a Demonstrator, sure, but a weak one. Same goes for the SMA who posts a single Facebook status with a vague idea for why a movement might be needed. And a Donator can still be a Donator even if they only give a few bucks to a movement without ever contributing anything else.
This is why the ideal activist is either heavily invested in one category or well-invested in more than one. (Obviously, it's to that end that I probably cannot be considered a very good activist, but I try to provide no small amount of thought-provoking perspective. Whether I succeed or not is to be determined by everyone else)
Without the people willing to put their money to a movement, organization is sloppy and it doesn't have the ability to grab your attention, provide studies, or advertise.
Without people willing to put their eloquence to a movement, the movement doesn't have a clear message or a demanding media presence.
Without people willing to put their time and energy to a movement, the movement won't show people how serious the issue is or how seriously people are taking it.
Politicians speak the language of money and they're scared of crowds. That's why the 2nd and 4th categories of activists are typically the ones we acknowledge as legitimate. They can both have a measurable effect on the politicians who can physically enact change.
Contrarily, SMAs don't really do anything for politicians (except send them nosey emails that are likely thrown out). However, SMAs do reinforce the movement itself, which is much harder to measure. However, many Demonstrators and Donators are informed of the importance of a movement by SMAs.
And as I've said, there are people who are willing to do the bare minimum in the name of activism in order to feel better. And there are those who only do it to appear good in the eyes of others. Like all things, activism can be done for the wrong reasons or in truly mediocre quality/quantity.
It should also be noted that contributing the bare minimum is far easier for SMAs than the other two, which is part of the reason that this category is targeted for being "slackers," among other things.
Regardless- remember that all four elements are necessary for a movement to take off and be successful. Try reaching into multiple categories or pushing hard into one category. And while I said some negative things about every category, remember that they're sweeping generalizations and don't necessarily apply to you. Usually because you fit into more than one category to some degree.
(I know plenty of people who have donated and written about the recent Sandy Hook tragedy, for example).
Activism means a lot of different things for different people. Keep an open mind about the actual effect they may be having with their methodology.
-
Waddles
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Guns
As you're no doubt aware, Connecticut suffered the second-worst shooting spree in the country since the Virginia Tech massacre. Some 20 people were shot, most of whom were children in a kindergarten class. This is only somewhat related to my topic today in that an assault weapon and a semi-automatic pistol were used.
There's another equally important discussion to be had about society, mental illness, and other factors involved. However, today we're focusing on the vehicle by which people murder most often. Guns.
I've touched on them earlier in a post about the constitution, noting that the 2nd amendment specifies that weapons are to be used by a standing militia only, the purpose of which was:
"To execute the laws of the Union, suppress insurrections, and repel invasions." (According to Article 1, section 8, clause 15 of the US Constitution)
The last time laypeople had to do any of those three was a very long time ago, so it's safe to assume that the original purpose of the militia has long since lived its life.
Starting there, why the piss does anyone have guns anymore?
Four main reasons:
1. Hunting - One of the two most cited reasons for owning a gun. People like to hunt. It's a harmless (hahahahahaha) hobby.
2. Protection - The other most cited reason for owning a gun. People need protection from all the bad in this world. It's just a precaution.
3. Collecting - Another hobby. Less common this time.
4. Compensation - The reason I attribute to some of the guns that people own. There are people who own guns not necessarily as a collector, or for hunting, or for protection. These are the people that just "like" guns. The people that like firing a gun just for that feeling of power.
The problem with all of these people except for the collector is that intensely strict gun regulations wouldn't really hinder any of them.
1. Hunting rifles aren't the problem anyone is discussing. So you can keep hunting without worry unless you're using semi-automatics and assault weapons to mow down deer.
2. The number of time guns are used in self defense is roughly .2% (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States#Self-protection). That is 2/1000 incidences. And most of the instances involved are resolved without firing a single shot, which means a toy gun would be just as effective. That said, a simple Taser is a non-lethal alternative to owning a gun for protection.
3. I'm sorry, I realize that you may have a legitimate grievance if guns are banned or heavily restricted, but I'd rather see people less likely to be murdered than to see you continue with your hobby. Cost/benefit analysis and all.
4. Your ego needs to not be tied to physical objects anyway. Let it go. Seek a therapist to discuss your need to compensate.
Given the low number of incidences that result in using a firearm for self-protection and the effectiveness of Tasers, I don't think it's reasonable to demand that we be allowed to keep firearms for personal protection. In the event that we decide personal protection is a legitimate reason to own a personal firearm, I think we can all agree that assault weapons, semi-automatics with 18+ bullets per clip, and any similar weapons are completely unnecessary for self-protection.
If I'm interested in protecting myself from an intruder, statistically, I won't even need one bullet let alone over a dozen. And if I do need a bullet, I won't need more than one or two! Guns have become ruthlessly efficient killing-machines without a purpose.
Personally? I don't care if you're a nice person or not. I don't care if you're not going to kill anyone. And you probably won't. But just because you won't doesn't mean other people won't either. And the harder we make it to obtain guns, the less likely people are going to be to carry out a horrific act.
Let's give an example. Take a depressed person who has suicidal ideation. Do you think they'll be more or less likely to commit suicide if they have a gun sitting in their lap?
What if the gun is in the other room?
What if the gun is in a safe in the basement?
What if they have to go to a store to get the gun?
What if they have to go to the store and go through a rigorous psychological evaluation that they suspect they may fail?
I know for my part (someone who is depressed and has had suicidal ideation), I would be progressively less likely to go through with a suicide plan the further down the list I went. True that personal experience is just that- personal. But I believe that is underlying human nature at work. People are less likely to do any given act the more difficult it becomes.
So yes, you may be sad that you can't own an assault weapon anymore, or that it might be extremely difficult to obtain a firearm- but as long as you're not a criminal and you're psychologically stable, it shouldn't be a problem for you! And if you're not, I have good news- That means the system worked!
This is a problem. This is a consistent problem in our country that is being put off every time a massacre occurs because people don't want to "politicize" the event. Well, I have news for you, you're making a political judgment about someone when you say that. A political judgment that condemns raising new questions and identifying issues using previous examples. In other words, an argument for the status quo. Which, if I'm not mistaken, is a politicization.
And yes, I understand that many of us want to empathize with the families. Or you feel that the families wouldn't care about what our political opinion is on gun control. And I agree with both.
We should empathize. This should hit us right in the feels. It should hurt.
And no, the families of Newtown couldn't care less what our opinion is on gun control. You know why? Because it doesn't matter to them anymore. They've already lost what's potentially at stake in the gun control argument. They've had the worst possible event occur that's related to the argument. They've already lost. But some of us haven't. And that's why we're invested in this discussion. Because there's so much more to lose if we don't have the discussion now.
The time to discuss it is now. The time was also after Colorado. After Tuscon. After Virginia Tech.
The time to discuss it is always. So long as it remains an issue, it deserves to be discussed, and refusing to do so is to learn nothing from the problems of the past.
If you're still willing to tell us to "wait" before talking about it after being reminded that we waited back then too. We waited and then couldn't get the momentum we needed to enact change. No one was paying attention. No one was outraged.
Well I'm talking about it now, and if you're outraged- GOOD. Maybe then you'll start talking about it too.
Guns are goddamned unnecessary in this day and age.
You think the government is gonna' try to murder you someday? And what if they do? Do you think you're 9mm semi-automatic is going to beat out tanks, planes, bullet-proof vests, riot-shields, or a highly trained military?
You're desperately clinging to a "freedom" that is costing others the freedom of LIFE.
And I have one more argument to address before I storm out of here for the night (this is my room, and I probably shouldn't storm out unless it's for a snack before bed...)
"If they wanted to do it, they'd do it regardless of regulations and laws."
This is a bad argument that has a kernel of truth in it. There are some criminals who, if they really want something, will not stop until they get it.
However, apply this logic to a burglar eyeing your home. You say, "if he wants in, he'll find a way no matter what I do."
So, at night, you don't lock your front door and he walks inside and robs you blind.
Alternatively, you lock your front door and he tries the backdoor.
But what if you lock that too? Well, he'll try some windows.
If those are locked?
Maybe he'll smash in a window, greatly increasing the risk at which he is caught in the act, while also alerting any dogs or setting off any alarms that you may have.
What if you had extremely strong windows?
Would the would-be burglar be willing to fire his gun at the window to break it?
At some point, your various safeguards WILL IN FACT deter the burglar enough that he will leave despite your shitty mantra that he will stop at nothing.
Harken back to my example for the person considering suicide. At some point, that person will decide that the hassle isn't worth it.
Or consider the case of the Chinese assailant who stabbed 22 kids in a school attack sharing the date of the Newtown massacre. http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/world/asia/china-knife-attack/index.html
Perhaps nothing was going to stop him from attacking kids.
However, not having a gun forced him to do it with a knife. Which resulted in 0 casualties.
At the very least, we can deter would-be murderers from carrying out a plan as long as possible and possibly prevent it altogether! And if not, maybe the regulations will just make them do something less deadly when they do snap.
The point is that we're doing something net beneficial for the sacrifice of no one except gun collectors, and people who need to compensate.
Law-abiding and sane citizens could still obtain guns for self-protection with mild hassle or guns for hunting with even less hassle.
Or we could have my ideal circumstance in which guns are just goddamned banned because hunting is a fucking cruel hobby if you're doing it for sport. You have a gun, why not give the thing a fighting chance and fight it with your hands if you're so eager to prove your mastery over nature? Or better yet, why not just stop thinking that you've proven anything by killing an animal. Why not go read a book?
(if you're hunting and planning on using the whole animal, I can't fault you though. But when I say "use," I don't mean hanging its head up on your wall as a fucking trophy.)
And I already mentioned that Tasers (or pepper spray) is a great tool for dealing with assailants without murdering them.
Seriously. Seriously. Guns are tools invented for the sole purpose of killing.
Can we agree that we shouldn't have a tool like that in the hands of untrained laypersons?
And then can we agree that the planet would be better off without that tool in anyone's hands?
-
Wade
There's another equally important discussion to be had about society, mental illness, and other factors involved. However, today we're focusing on the vehicle by which people murder most often. Guns.
I've touched on them earlier in a post about the constitution, noting that the 2nd amendment specifies that weapons are to be used by a standing militia only, the purpose of which was:
"To execute the laws of the Union, suppress insurrections, and repel invasions." (According to Article 1, section 8, clause 15 of the US Constitution)
The last time laypeople had to do any of those three was a very long time ago, so it's safe to assume that the original purpose of the militia has long since lived its life.
Starting there, why the piss does anyone have guns anymore?
Four main reasons:
1. Hunting - One of the two most cited reasons for owning a gun. People like to hunt. It's a harmless (hahahahahaha) hobby.
2. Protection - The other most cited reason for owning a gun. People need protection from all the bad in this world. It's just a precaution.
3. Collecting - Another hobby. Less common this time.
4. Compensation - The reason I attribute to some of the guns that people own. There are people who own guns not necessarily as a collector, or for hunting, or for protection. These are the people that just "like" guns. The people that like firing a gun just for that feeling of power.
The problem with all of these people except for the collector is that intensely strict gun regulations wouldn't really hinder any of them.
1. Hunting rifles aren't the problem anyone is discussing. So you can keep hunting without worry unless you're using semi-automatics and assault weapons to mow down deer.
2. The number of time guns are used in self defense is roughly .2% (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States#Self-protection). That is 2/1000 incidences. And most of the instances involved are resolved without firing a single shot, which means a toy gun would be just as effective. That said, a simple Taser is a non-lethal alternative to owning a gun for protection.
3. I'm sorry, I realize that you may have a legitimate grievance if guns are banned or heavily restricted, but I'd rather see people less likely to be murdered than to see you continue with your hobby. Cost/benefit analysis and all.
4. Your ego needs to not be tied to physical objects anyway. Let it go. Seek a therapist to discuss your need to compensate.
Given the low number of incidences that result in using a firearm for self-protection and the effectiveness of Tasers, I don't think it's reasonable to demand that we be allowed to keep firearms for personal protection. In the event that we decide personal protection is a legitimate reason to own a personal firearm, I think we can all agree that assault weapons, semi-automatics with 18+ bullets per clip, and any similar weapons are completely unnecessary for self-protection.
If I'm interested in protecting myself from an intruder, statistically, I won't even need one bullet let alone over a dozen. And if I do need a bullet, I won't need more than one or two! Guns have become ruthlessly efficient killing-machines without a purpose.
Personally? I don't care if you're a nice person or not. I don't care if you're not going to kill anyone. And you probably won't. But just because you won't doesn't mean other people won't either. And the harder we make it to obtain guns, the less likely people are going to be to carry out a horrific act.
Let's give an example. Take a depressed person who has suicidal ideation. Do you think they'll be more or less likely to commit suicide if they have a gun sitting in their lap?
What if the gun is in the other room?
What if the gun is in a safe in the basement?
What if they have to go to a store to get the gun?
What if they have to go to the store and go through a rigorous psychological evaluation that they suspect they may fail?
I know for my part (someone who is depressed and has had suicidal ideation), I would be progressively less likely to go through with a suicide plan the further down the list I went. True that personal experience is just that- personal. But I believe that is underlying human nature at work. People are less likely to do any given act the more difficult it becomes.
So yes, you may be sad that you can't own an assault weapon anymore, or that it might be extremely difficult to obtain a firearm- but as long as you're not a criminal and you're psychologically stable, it shouldn't be a problem for you! And if you're not, I have good news- That means the system worked!
This is a problem. This is a consistent problem in our country that is being put off every time a massacre occurs because people don't want to "politicize" the event. Well, I have news for you, you're making a political judgment about someone when you say that. A political judgment that condemns raising new questions and identifying issues using previous examples. In other words, an argument for the status quo. Which, if I'm not mistaken, is a politicization.
And yes, I understand that many of us want to empathize with the families. Or you feel that the families wouldn't care about what our political opinion is on gun control. And I agree with both.
We should empathize. This should hit us right in the feels. It should hurt.
And no, the families of Newtown couldn't care less what our opinion is on gun control. You know why? Because it doesn't matter to them anymore. They've already lost what's potentially at stake in the gun control argument. They've had the worst possible event occur that's related to the argument. They've already lost. But some of us haven't. And that's why we're invested in this discussion. Because there's so much more to lose if we don't have the discussion now.
The time to discuss it is now. The time was also after Colorado. After Tuscon. After Virginia Tech.
The time to discuss it is always. So long as it remains an issue, it deserves to be discussed, and refusing to do so is to learn nothing from the problems of the past.
If you're still willing to tell us to "wait" before talking about it after being reminded that we waited back then too. We waited and then couldn't get the momentum we needed to enact change. No one was paying attention. No one was outraged.
Well I'm talking about it now, and if you're outraged- GOOD. Maybe then you'll start talking about it too.
Guns are goddamned unnecessary in this day and age.
You think the government is gonna' try to murder you someday? And what if they do? Do you think you're 9mm semi-automatic is going to beat out tanks, planes, bullet-proof vests, riot-shields, or a highly trained military?
You're desperately clinging to a "freedom" that is costing others the freedom of LIFE.
And I have one more argument to address before I storm out of here for the night (this is my room, and I probably shouldn't storm out unless it's for a snack before bed...)
"If they wanted to do it, they'd do it regardless of regulations and laws."
This is a bad argument that has a kernel of truth in it. There are some criminals who, if they really want something, will not stop until they get it.
However, apply this logic to a burglar eyeing your home. You say, "if he wants in, he'll find a way no matter what I do."
So, at night, you don't lock your front door and he walks inside and robs you blind.
Alternatively, you lock your front door and he tries the backdoor.
But what if you lock that too? Well, he'll try some windows.
If those are locked?
Maybe he'll smash in a window, greatly increasing the risk at which he is caught in the act, while also alerting any dogs or setting off any alarms that you may have.
What if you had extremely strong windows?
Would the would-be burglar be willing to fire his gun at the window to break it?
At some point, your various safeguards WILL IN FACT deter the burglar enough that he will leave despite your shitty mantra that he will stop at nothing.
Harken back to my example for the person considering suicide. At some point, that person will decide that the hassle isn't worth it.
Or consider the case of the Chinese assailant who stabbed 22 kids in a school attack sharing the date of the Newtown massacre. http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/world/asia/china-knife-attack/index.html
Perhaps nothing was going to stop him from attacking kids.
However, not having a gun forced him to do it with a knife. Which resulted in 0 casualties.
At the very least, we can deter would-be murderers from carrying out a plan as long as possible and possibly prevent it altogether! And if not, maybe the regulations will just make them do something less deadly when they do snap.
The point is that we're doing something net beneficial for the sacrifice of no one except gun collectors, and people who need to compensate.
Law-abiding and sane citizens could still obtain guns for self-protection with mild hassle or guns for hunting with even less hassle.
Or we could have my ideal circumstance in which guns are just goddamned banned because hunting is a fucking cruel hobby if you're doing it for sport. You have a gun, why not give the thing a fighting chance and fight it with your hands if you're so eager to prove your mastery over nature? Or better yet, why not just stop thinking that you've proven anything by killing an animal. Why not go read a book?
(if you're hunting and planning on using the whole animal, I can't fault you though. But when I say "use," I don't mean hanging its head up on your wall as a fucking trophy.)
And I already mentioned that Tasers (or pepper spray) is a great tool for dealing with assailants without murdering them.
Seriously. Seriously. Guns are tools invented for the sole purpose of killing.
Can we agree that we shouldn't have a tool like that in the hands of untrained laypersons?
And then can we agree that the planet would be better off without that tool in anyone's hands?
-
Wade
Thursday, December 13, 2012
A Few Days Off
Hey everyone (People still read this?)-
I'll be visiting some friends and preparing for an extended set of Christmas trips (as you may have read earlier) starting tomorrow.
I should have time to piece together a post on Sunday.
Monday is a crapshoot, so we'll see.
After that, I'll be good to post the remainder of the week. After the 21st, all bets are off when it comes to time and energy until January 1st. I'll try to maintain some kind of regularity, but I can't guarantee anything. Unless you're so desperate to hear from me that you're willing to put up with,
"Uhh... Well, today I talked about game design with my brother... I'd tell you about it, but it would be lengthy and nothing short of catastrofuckpocalypse is going to give me the motivation to write it all up, so instead, here's a picture of a dinosaur looking thoughtfully at a leatherbound copy of 'Harry Potter and the Sex that Happens at Hogwarts,' the oft forgotten 8th book that delved into Malfoy's saucy love affair with professor McGonagall."
I'm already spacing out and slipping into a stupor while I continue working on my awesome Christmas gifts for my brothers.
I'm sure I'll get in something before Christmas, but don't hold out for anything spectacular. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to provide you with something spectaculess.
-
Waddles
I'll be visiting some friends and preparing for an extended set of Christmas trips (as you may have read earlier) starting tomorrow.
I should have time to piece together a post on Sunday.
Monday is a crapshoot, so we'll see.
After that, I'll be good to post the remainder of the week. After the 21st, all bets are off when it comes to time and energy until January 1st. I'll try to maintain some kind of regularity, but I can't guarantee anything. Unless you're so desperate to hear from me that you're willing to put up with,
"Uhh... Well, today I talked about game design with my brother... I'd tell you about it, but it would be lengthy and nothing short of catastrofuckpocalypse is going to give me the motivation to write it all up, so instead, here's a picture of a dinosaur looking thoughtfully at a leatherbound copy of 'Harry Potter and the Sex that Happens at Hogwarts,' the oft forgotten 8th book that delved into Malfoy's saucy love affair with professor McGonagall."
I'm already spacing out and slipping into a stupor while I continue working on my awesome Christmas gifts for my brothers.
I'm sure I'll get in something before Christmas, but don't hold out for anything spectacular. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to provide you with something spectaculess.
-
Waddles
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Procrastination and Stress
In honor of finals' week (at least for my Transylvania friends), I'd like to talk about procrastination (even though you probably could've used this a lot more last week when all the papers were due...
Having graduated an accomplished procrastinator myself, I have a lot of experience with the feelings associated with it, the problems it causes, the choices you make during, and the benefits of (and against) procrastinating.
There are plenty of reasons that we procrastinate.
1. Not excited about whatever it is we're procrastinating.
2. There are more interesting things right in front of you.
3. Out of energy after a hard semester- intellectually exhausted.
4. Fear of confrontation, progression, or change itself.
5. Depression (a combination of 3/4).
6. Denial that the work exists.
And many others.
Procrastination is a tricky issue because it's so self-perpetuating. It's very easy to slip into a loop of procrastination despite how easy it is to budget time each day between the start of a project and the end.
Yet, instead of working an hour a day for a week, we cram seven hours into a single night, whereby we're too stressed and exhausted to do a good job on the project anyway.
It's a super common problem caused the open-ended nature of assignments with the anxiety of long-term thoughts and goals.
People don't like thinking months in advance typically. It's stressful and anxiety-provoking. It's far easier, emotionally, to put something away in the corner of your mind until it's more urgent.
A single procrastinated project doesn't typically cause more than a mild amount of stress. However, as any college student will tell you, if you procrastinate two or three papers at once, the stress piles up exponentially. Additionally, exams can often occur around the due dates for some projects giving an added element of frustration and helplessness.
While the first reaction might be to blame the professor for making a term paper due the same time as every other term paper ever (a valid criticism) along with most exams, the professor is in a lose-lose situation.
Their two easiest options are to assign something at the beginning of the semester due at the end of the semester in order to give you both adequate time to complete it and the convenience of doing the work when you have the spare time. (What they do now)
OR
Assign a long paper due a week or two after assigning it so that it no longer falls in line with most other papers and typically fewer tests. However, the second option removes the option of doing the work strictly when you have free time and forces you into a deadline that you may legitimately have difficulty with. The added bonus is that it's far more difficult to procrastinate a project due the same week it was assigned.
In either circumstance, the students have a valid complaint.
Either the paper is due in a fashion that most people aren't comfortable working with (open-ended working times and long-term planning, due at the same time as many other similar projects), or the paper is due in a fashion that gives you limited flexibility and less time for completion.
It's far easier to assign a project due in the first method, so a professor doesn't have to keep up with exceptions or special requests and the professor has an out by being able to blame the students for procrastinating in the first place.
Can't really blame them for that choice.
It's really a systemic problem, wouldn't you say?
Here we are in an education system that stresses deadlines and timing. Strict tardy policies, focus on punctuality, and everything's compartmentalized in our daily routine.
We're in this system for 12+ years before going on to college.
Where once our longest project deadline was typically a week, we're suddenly given months to complete assignments. The system doesn't train us to utilize time-management techniques, but then it expects us to utilize them properly?
And before it's brought up, yes, many schools will often have a lesson with tips and tricks on time management, but that's the equivalent to cramming for an exam in a class you never showed up for.
If you don't ever have to use time-management techniques in 12 years of schooling, what lesson have you learned? That time-management isn't very important or useful. It's hard to unlearn that. So while it would be wrong for students to respond angrily to a professor's choice of assignment dating, it's equally wrong to insinuate that a student is simply lazy of their own accord.
Let's frame this another way-
You go your whole life through the school system and the culture we have, and when you finally get to college, you're suddenly graded on your ability to avoid gender norms a few times every semester.
Can you imagine? You go your whole life learning that skirts are for girls and jeans are for boys and then you're expected to suddenly shed those ingrained cultural norms? Imagine that with every gender norm in your life. The way you sit, the way you dress, the way you walk, talk, think, who you associate with, your hobbies- it's mind-numbing to think that you could just stop all the behavior you learned throughout your life up to that point.
And yet, that's what we're expected to do when we're told out of the blue that assignment due dates are effectively open-ended like that.
So, we'd be more comfortable with papers due a week from their assignment, but it might cause more unavoidable conflicts and problems.
Contrarily, we're less comfortable with papers due at the end of a semester, but they give us more maneuverability on how we work on them.
College has enough going on that the maneuverability is typically more useful to us than the comfort, but without the comfort, we don't use the maneuverability, lending this style to causing the standard end-of-the-semester panic attacks.
What do?
There's not a lot you can do except adapt (or pitch ideas to professors).
Learning time management is annoying and difficult.
Set alarms. Lots of alarms. Use incentives. Use the buddy system to ensure that you and a friend are forcing each other to do work in a timely fashion.
However, ultimately if you do procrastinate, there's one major thing to remember:
Don't panic, take deep breaths, and try to ignore the sense of impending doom- instead, collect yourself and evaluate the situation. Are you going to almost certainly be unable to complete the assignment by its due date for any reason? If so, immediately notify your professor and don't lie.
Yes, they'll be annoyed, but you get some respect for honesty and many professors are willing to work with you if you show that you're putting in the effort.
Maybe ask if you can send in an incomplete draft on the due date to show your progress while sending in the completed assignment a day or two later.
Avoid taking "leisure" time during this crisis. What I mean by "leisure time" is any activity that is not conducive to work or concentration. You can take breaks where you clear your mind (we'll come back to this) or read related articles, but avoid sitting down to watch TV.
Deep breaths, holy shit, deep breaths. Shallow breathing reduces oxygen to your brain, preventing you from using the full extent of your knowledge and intellectual capabilities in your project. Deep breaths help to clear the clogged pathways in your mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZJzrEJgKxU&t=1m19s
Watch this clip through 2:00. It's the explanation for chakras in Avatar: The Last Airbender, but it succinctly applies to stress as well.
Stress and panic tends to have a spiraling effect. If you have stress, it causes panic. If you panic, you get stressed, ad nauseum. It's difficult, but breaking this spiral is essential to prevent a full-blown panic attack.
It seems counter-intuitive, but the best way to break this cycle is to stop focusing on the stress-inducing work (even if it needs done ASAP). To do this, you must focus on something else while breathing as deeply as you can (in through the nose and out through the mouth, for those inexperienced with healthy breathing techniques).
For my part, I discovered Tai-Chi at Transy my sophomore year. It taught both consistent/deep breathing and how to focus on something else for about a half hour at a time. By focusing on the way that your body moves and flows while performing the Tai-Chi movements, you're forced to keep sensory focus on new data constantly (because your body rarely stays perfectly still during the movements). This, in turn, allows you to keep your mind off of the stress-inducing work while you breathe. The end result is that your mind becomes significantly more clear at the end of the exercise.
With a clear mind, you can return to work with a more straightforward grasp of what you need to do and how you need to do it.
Don't be afraid to take one of these breaks when everything seems to be closing in on you. It's healthy and productive towards finishing your work.
(an hour of panicked breathing and harried writing will come out muddled and of low quality)
(a half hour of the previous exercise will leave you capable of writing with far more skill and clarity for several hours while also removing [or limiting] the inhibition that is stress and panic)
Remember not to panic. Panic is the enemy that will suck valuable time, energy, focus, and ability during a time when you need it most. Panicking will not solve anything and will only make you more miserable. While it's difficult to fight it, the exercises above should help.
(NOTE: Doing an exercise like the one I mentioned on a weekly basis will help you perfect it in your time of need, allowing it to come more easily to you despite the panic. Similarly, your ability to breathe deeply will be enhanced with practice, allowing for more clearing of the clogged "chakras.")
This advice does not strictly translate into non-school related endeavors, but the exercises are good for any instance of panic and stress that you will ever have. So long as you have the time to stop, step back, and breathe for a few minutes, problems will always be easier to deal with.
Good luck! (Now that you're mostly done)
-
Waddles
Having graduated an accomplished procrastinator myself, I have a lot of experience with the feelings associated with it, the problems it causes, the choices you make during, and the benefits of (and against) procrastinating.
There are plenty of reasons that we procrastinate.
1. Not excited about whatever it is we're procrastinating.
2. There are more interesting things right in front of you.
3. Out of energy after a hard semester- intellectually exhausted.
4. Fear of confrontation, progression, or change itself.
5. Depression (a combination of 3/4).
6. Denial that the work exists.
And many others.
Procrastination is a tricky issue because it's so self-perpetuating. It's very easy to slip into a loop of procrastination despite how easy it is to budget time each day between the start of a project and the end.
Yet, instead of working an hour a day for a week, we cram seven hours into a single night, whereby we're too stressed and exhausted to do a good job on the project anyway.
It's a super common problem caused the open-ended nature of assignments with the anxiety of long-term thoughts and goals.
People don't like thinking months in advance typically. It's stressful and anxiety-provoking. It's far easier, emotionally, to put something away in the corner of your mind until it's more urgent.
A single procrastinated project doesn't typically cause more than a mild amount of stress. However, as any college student will tell you, if you procrastinate two or three papers at once, the stress piles up exponentially. Additionally, exams can often occur around the due dates for some projects giving an added element of frustration and helplessness.
While the first reaction might be to blame the professor for making a term paper due the same time as every other term paper ever (a valid criticism) along with most exams, the professor is in a lose-lose situation.
Their two easiest options are to assign something at the beginning of the semester due at the end of the semester in order to give you both adequate time to complete it and the convenience of doing the work when you have the spare time. (What they do now)
OR
Assign a long paper due a week or two after assigning it so that it no longer falls in line with most other papers and typically fewer tests. However, the second option removes the option of doing the work strictly when you have free time and forces you into a deadline that you may legitimately have difficulty with. The added bonus is that it's far more difficult to procrastinate a project due the same week it was assigned.
In either circumstance, the students have a valid complaint.
Either the paper is due in a fashion that most people aren't comfortable working with (open-ended working times and long-term planning, due at the same time as many other similar projects), or the paper is due in a fashion that gives you limited flexibility and less time for completion.
It's far easier to assign a project due in the first method, so a professor doesn't have to keep up with exceptions or special requests and the professor has an out by being able to blame the students for procrastinating in the first place.
Can't really blame them for that choice.
It's really a systemic problem, wouldn't you say?
Here we are in an education system that stresses deadlines and timing. Strict tardy policies, focus on punctuality, and everything's compartmentalized in our daily routine.
We're in this system for 12+ years before going on to college.
Where once our longest project deadline was typically a week, we're suddenly given months to complete assignments. The system doesn't train us to utilize time-management techniques, but then it expects us to utilize them properly?
And before it's brought up, yes, many schools will often have a lesson with tips and tricks on time management, but that's the equivalent to cramming for an exam in a class you never showed up for.
If you don't ever have to use time-management techniques in 12 years of schooling, what lesson have you learned? That time-management isn't very important or useful. It's hard to unlearn that. So while it would be wrong for students to respond angrily to a professor's choice of assignment dating, it's equally wrong to insinuate that a student is simply lazy of their own accord.
Let's frame this another way-
You go your whole life through the school system and the culture we have, and when you finally get to college, you're suddenly graded on your ability to avoid gender norms a few times every semester.
Can you imagine? You go your whole life learning that skirts are for girls and jeans are for boys and then you're expected to suddenly shed those ingrained cultural norms? Imagine that with every gender norm in your life. The way you sit, the way you dress, the way you walk, talk, think, who you associate with, your hobbies- it's mind-numbing to think that you could just stop all the behavior you learned throughout your life up to that point.
And yet, that's what we're expected to do when we're told out of the blue that assignment due dates are effectively open-ended like that.
So, we'd be more comfortable with papers due a week from their assignment, but it might cause more unavoidable conflicts and problems.
Contrarily, we're less comfortable with papers due at the end of a semester, but they give us more maneuverability on how we work on them.
College has enough going on that the maneuverability is typically more useful to us than the comfort, but without the comfort, we don't use the maneuverability, lending this style to causing the standard end-of-the-semester panic attacks.
What do?
There's not a lot you can do except adapt (or pitch ideas to professors).
Learning time management is annoying and difficult.
Set alarms. Lots of alarms. Use incentives. Use the buddy system to ensure that you and a friend are forcing each other to do work in a timely fashion.
However, ultimately if you do procrastinate, there's one major thing to remember:
Don't panic, take deep breaths, and try to ignore the sense of impending doom- instead, collect yourself and evaluate the situation. Are you going to almost certainly be unable to complete the assignment by its due date for any reason? If so, immediately notify your professor and don't lie.
Yes, they'll be annoyed, but you get some respect for honesty and many professors are willing to work with you if you show that you're putting in the effort.
Maybe ask if you can send in an incomplete draft on the due date to show your progress while sending in the completed assignment a day or two later.
Avoid taking "leisure" time during this crisis. What I mean by "leisure time" is any activity that is not conducive to work or concentration. You can take breaks where you clear your mind (we'll come back to this) or read related articles, but avoid sitting down to watch TV.
Deep breaths, holy shit, deep breaths. Shallow breathing reduces oxygen to your brain, preventing you from using the full extent of your knowledge and intellectual capabilities in your project. Deep breaths help to clear the clogged pathways in your mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZJzrEJgKxU&t=1m19s
Watch this clip through 2:00. It's the explanation for chakras in Avatar: The Last Airbender, but it succinctly applies to stress as well.
Stress and panic tends to have a spiraling effect. If you have stress, it causes panic. If you panic, you get stressed, ad nauseum. It's difficult, but breaking this spiral is essential to prevent a full-blown panic attack.
It seems counter-intuitive, but the best way to break this cycle is to stop focusing on the stress-inducing work (even if it needs done ASAP). To do this, you must focus on something else while breathing as deeply as you can (in through the nose and out through the mouth, for those inexperienced with healthy breathing techniques).
For my part, I discovered Tai-Chi at Transy my sophomore year. It taught both consistent/deep breathing and how to focus on something else for about a half hour at a time. By focusing on the way that your body moves and flows while performing the Tai-Chi movements, you're forced to keep sensory focus on new data constantly (because your body rarely stays perfectly still during the movements). This, in turn, allows you to keep your mind off of the stress-inducing work while you breathe. The end result is that your mind becomes significantly more clear at the end of the exercise.
With a clear mind, you can return to work with a more straightforward grasp of what you need to do and how you need to do it.
Don't be afraid to take one of these breaks when everything seems to be closing in on you. It's healthy and productive towards finishing your work.
(an hour of panicked breathing and harried writing will come out muddled and of low quality)
(a half hour of the previous exercise will leave you capable of writing with far more skill and clarity for several hours while also removing [or limiting] the inhibition that is stress and panic)
Remember not to panic. Panic is the enemy that will suck valuable time, energy, focus, and ability during a time when you need it most. Panicking will not solve anything and will only make you more miserable. While it's difficult to fight it, the exercises above should help.
(NOTE: Doing an exercise like the one I mentioned on a weekly basis will help you perfect it in your time of need, allowing it to come more easily to you despite the panic. Similarly, your ability to breathe deeply will be enhanced with practice, allowing for more clearing of the clogged "chakras.")
This advice does not strictly translate into non-school related endeavors, but the exercises are good for any instance of panic and stress that you will ever have. So long as you have the time to stop, step back, and breathe for a few minutes, problems will always be easier to deal with.
Good luck! (Now that you're mostly done)
-
Waddles
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Personal and Current Issue
Non-political, non-controversial post. Just need to use my blog as an ear to talk to about my life for a bit.
So if you're not interested in my first-world-problems, the day to read my blog is not today.
Christmas has always been an... exhausting time in my family.
Three Christmases with both sets of grandparents and the nuclear family with some hours of driving in between all three.
Wasn't too terrible though. Growing up, it really just meant more presents.
After the divorce, however, it meant negotiations and the addition of 8-12 extra hours of driving for various people. With my parents' inability to be cordial to each other, it meant I had to be the go-between for both parents on who would get me at what times, who would drive me where, and who would have to pick me up. Alternatively, during the time in which I had a car, it simply meant that I had to cover the extra slack to see everyone.
Additionally, being that my parents were now separated, each set of grandparents promptly stopped taking the other family's Christmas celebrations into consideration, dropping the additional convenience of synchronized schedules off the map.
You swing with the punches though, right?
Well, this year is just nice and complicated for me, so I'm stressing about it.
1. I don't have a car. Days, times, and locations are, therefore, not up to me. I'm not thrilled about following everyone else's schedule for 10 days.
2. I have a girlfriend that I really don't want to be away from for very long (read: more than two days at a time). I wouldn't under normal circumstances either, but this is the first time I've felt this close to someone and she's basically one of the only people keeping me sane right now because oh yeah
3. I'm still filled with goddamned overwhelming anxiety, paranoia, sadness, and spontaneous/wild mood swings. Without Jessica, I'll need to rely on myself to not be completely crazy. It's not necessarily that I doubt I can do this though. No no- I should be able to. The problem is that the thought of doing it on my own is anxiety-provoking. That's not something I want or need right now until I'm a little more comfortable.
4. My relationship with my dad is still in this super awkward place where I don't respect him as much as I probably should because I've only recently come to where I understand human motivation, thought, and action well at all, and my dad is a case that strikes me as really... Problematic. I love him, and he's tried to be in our lives and interested in our hobbies as much as possible, but he was never much of a father figure or a husband figure (given my current romantic position, having a responsible husband-figure in my life would have been great, because I'm basically having to learn all of this as I go). Furthermore, his great hobby (read: obsession) is sports, something that I don't connect with at all, while my brothers do, so it's hard for me to talk to him about anything without it slowly turning into an awkward silence.
Add onto that the fact that I moved in with my mom and had her pay for my schooling and watch me grow up through early adulthood while my brothers were living with my dad, and you have a formula where I'm not very connected to my father, I don't look up to him in many ways, and we haven't been very involved in each others' lives.
I love him, but I don't like him a whole lot. And he wants to spend as much time with me as possible over Christmas.
Now, I empathize with that. I get that he doesn't get much time at all with me and I'm his offspring and his life has come to that point where he doesn't have a whole lot going on except his hobbies, his job, and his kids. I understand that putting our relationship second, while not painful for me, is painful for him.
But I'm in a place in my life where I need to respect the people I'm around. And I don't want to miss any time with my brother with whom I have a far more meaningful connection. My priorities, at this stage in life, don't match up at all with his and we share very little.
Normally, I'd be pretty good about getting it over with anyway, but with all my stress piling on right now, I don't want to be in an environment where I feel awkward and uneasy. I can barely remain stable in environments where I'm totally comfortable as it is.
5. I share virtually nothing with any of my other relatives, and I really don't want to see any of them this year (except the only relatives that probably won't show up anyway). No, there aren't many Christmases left for my grandparents, and yes, it's important that I see them as much as I can. And I'm fine with that, but like the last point- not this year. I don't have the energy to spend on this.
Right now, the plan is for me to go from:
1. My apartment to my mom's for four days leading up to the 21st/22nd.
2. Mom's house to dad's (our relatives in Ohio)
3. Dad's (relatives in Ohio) to Mom's (relatives in Ohio)
4. Mom's (relatives in Ohio) to dad's house in Michigan.
5. Dad's house in Michigan back to Mom's.
6. Mom's back to my apartment.
Spanning a total of 14 days counting the time leading up to the 21st.
Here's what I would do if I had 100% control of time and space.
Spend two days with my mom (23-24).
Spend a day with my dad (25).
Spend two days with my brother (26-27).
Come home.
Since I'll be doing 0 of the driving, it's actually a bit of a surprise that everything worked out for the actual plan.
And a big part of me wanted it all to crumble so that I could have an excuse to not put myself out there this year.
Ugh, I feel like Charlie Brown right now.
(Sorry for making my blog posts all out of order this week. The only one posted on the correct day was Wednesday's...)
-
Wade
So if you're not interested in my first-world-problems, the day to read my blog is not today.
Christmas has always been an... exhausting time in my family.
Three Christmases with both sets of grandparents and the nuclear family with some hours of driving in between all three.
Wasn't too terrible though. Growing up, it really just meant more presents.
After the divorce, however, it meant negotiations and the addition of 8-12 extra hours of driving for various people. With my parents' inability to be cordial to each other, it meant I had to be the go-between for both parents on who would get me at what times, who would drive me where, and who would have to pick me up. Alternatively, during the time in which I had a car, it simply meant that I had to cover the extra slack to see everyone.
Additionally, being that my parents were now separated, each set of grandparents promptly stopped taking the other family's Christmas celebrations into consideration, dropping the additional convenience of synchronized schedules off the map.
You swing with the punches though, right?
Well, this year is just nice and complicated for me, so I'm stressing about it.
1. I don't have a car. Days, times, and locations are, therefore, not up to me. I'm not thrilled about following everyone else's schedule for 10 days.
2. I have a girlfriend that I really don't want to be away from for very long (read: more than two days at a time). I wouldn't under normal circumstances either, but this is the first time I've felt this close to someone and she's basically one of the only people keeping me sane right now because oh yeah
3. I'm still filled with goddamned overwhelming anxiety, paranoia, sadness, and spontaneous/wild mood swings. Without Jessica, I'll need to rely on myself to not be completely crazy. It's not necessarily that I doubt I can do this though. No no- I should be able to. The problem is that the thought of doing it on my own is anxiety-provoking. That's not something I want or need right now until I'm a little more comfortable.
4. My relationship with my dad is still in this super awkward place where I don't respect him as much as I probably should because I've only recently come to where I understand human motivation, thought, and action well at all, and my dad is a case that strikes me as really... Problematic. I love him, and he's tried to be in our lives and interested in our hobbies as much as possible, but he was never much of a father figure or a husband figure (given my current romantic position, having a responsible husband-figure in my life would have been great, because I'm basically having to learn all of this as I go). Furthermore, his great hobby (read: obsession) is sports, something that I don't connect with at all, while my brothers do, so it's hard for me to talk to him about anything without it slowly turning into an awkward silence.
Add onto that the fact that I moved in with my mom and had her pay for my schooling and watch me grow up through early adulthood while my brothers were living with my dad, and you have a formula where I'm not very connected to my father, I don't look up to him in many ways, and we haven't been very involved in each others' lives.
I love him, but I don't like him a whole lot. And he wants to spend as much time with me as possible over Christmas.
Now, I empathize with that. I get that he doesn't get much time at all with me and I'm his offspring and his life has come to that point where he doesn't have a whole lot going on except his hobbies, his job, and his kids. I understand that putting our relationship second, while not painful for me, is painful for him.
But I'm in a place in my life where I need to respect the people I'm around. And I don't want to miss any time with my brother with whom I have a far more meaningful connection. My priorities, at this stage in life, don't match up at all with his and we share very little.
Normally, I'd be pretty good about getting it over with anyway, but with all my stress piling on right now, I don't want to be in an environment where I feel awkward and uneasy. I can barely remain stable in environments where I'm totally comfortable as it is.
5. I share virtually nothing with any of my other relatives, and I really don't want to see any of them this year (except the only relatives that probably won't show up anyway). No, there aren't many Christmases left for my grandparents, and yes, it's important that I see them as much as I can. And I'm fine with that, but like the last point- not this year. I don't have the energy to spend on this.
Right now, the plan is for me to go from:
1. My apartment to my mom's for four days leading up to the 21st/22nd.
2. Mom's house to dad's (our relatives in Ohio)
3. Dad's (relatives in Ohio) to Mom's (relatives in Ohio)
4. Mom's (relatives in Ohio) to dad's house in Michigan.
5. Dad's house in Michigan back to Mom's.
6. Mom's back to my apartment.
Spanning a total of 14 days counting the time leading up to the 21st.
Here's what I would do if I had 100% control of time and space.
Spend two days with my mom (23-24).
Spend a day with my dad (25).
Spend two days with my brother (26-27).
Come home.
Since I'll be doing 0 of the driving, it's actually a bit of a surprise that everything worked out for the actual plan.
And a big part of me wanted it all to crumble so that I could have an excuse to not put myself out there this year.
Ugh, I feel like Charlie Brown right now.
(Sorry for making my blog posts all out of order this week. The only one posted on the correct day was Wednesday's...)
-
Wade
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