Happiness Conflicts

My fingers are a little mangled, so I'm gonna' try to keep this one relatively shortish.

Persisting in the new tradition of talking about topics from this wonderful book I'm reading, I'm interested in addressing the issue of conflicts to happiness.

Why is global depression increasing? What can we do to reverse the flow of emotions from negative to positive? What are the causes for our individualized feelings of unhappiness?

There's no easy answer to the vague question of "why are people getting less happy." Popular ideas range from increasing population, decreased opportunities, increased expectations, decreased authenticity, to the media's focus on negativity, and even the perception that people are unhappy is causing us more stress! There are a lot of hypotheses and not a lot of answers. So what's the point of this blog post? Well, the expanding realm of positive psychology has been focused on defining, examining, quantifying, and providing happiness for people in the last two decades. To that end, a lot of research has been done on what techniques objectively improve the frequency with which our brains' reward centers activate.

So, what are the techniques and why aren't they working?

That's the catch- they do work. People are just afraid to employ them. We're often recommended a number of methods that are intended to increase feelings of positivity in our life, but we're prone to dismissing them without giving them a chance. Why?
Skepticism. Cynicism. Remarks that the techniques feel "inauthentic," "corny," and lack genuineness. This shouldn't really hit as a surprise. Humans defend the status quo and we're terribly uncomfortable with change most of the time. Telling someone to change how they approach and operate within the context of life is going to make them wary before it does anything else. "This is all we know- it's comfortable and it's working fine...ish."

Ultimately, my belief is that we're so engendered to believe that failure is an epidemic to be wiped out, that we've lost the ability to take chances for fear that it will simply end in a perceived "loss." If we fail, there's something innately wrong with us. As a result, it's better to be complacent and mediocre than risk failure even if the rewards would be great.



What are these techniques? Maybe they're just unreasonably difficult? I at least don't think they are, and yet I still have some trouble with them.

The most simple and effective technique is simply the expression of gratitude and kind thoughts. Compliment a stranger, hold a door open, thank someone, smile politely, but sincerely. This is widely shown to generate positive feelings of optimism and confidence throughout the day. The science behind it is evolutionarily logical too- when we see someone else smile, we are charged and feel positively ourselves. The idea, from a guess, would be that humans thrive under conditions of happiness and societal well-being. When we observe this state in others, we feel it in ourselves because no intervention is required in order to preserve the human species. If we're sad, disinterested, or rude, however, then there's a problem. We feel stress and uneasiness- not necessarily because our own lives are lacking something, but solely because we perceive those around us as suffering and unhappy.

Two other techniques are less socially defined, but still show a remarkably positive effect on our minds;

1. Think about death. This is counter-intuitive since death is inherently depressing as far as natural phenomena goes. However, if we briefly think on death in a non-personal/non-emotional context, it provides a lasting sense of peace. "Post-traumatic bliss." The idea that our individual struggles are nothing in the grand scheme of things. The things that make us sad today may be gone tomorrow, replaced by something new for worse or better. And that change will continue ad infinitum.

2. Dance. As stupid and obvious as it sounds, synchronizing our bodies with music we enjoy stimulates our brains in a way that effectively increases and stabilizes our mood.

What's more is that doing any of these activities in a social setting releases inhibitions and inspires a comfortable sense of connection with people around you. Having a philosophical discussion about death with others can actually make you feel more at peace with yourself. Dancing with friends makes you feel great, as I'm sure you're aware. Exchanging smiles, laughs, and compliments with friends and/or strangers does too.

Why is it so easy to lose sight of something so simple then?

Cultured expectations, among other things. We're driven towards productivity without a goal. Unquantified and vague productivity. We have to do it without failing, and we have to do it alone. Cubicles, standardized testing, and even one of the foremost words in the American mindset- Independent. (For more of a rant on this, see Friday's post on Asking for Help)
We stop playing. We stop having fun. We stop enjoying. We stop gaming. That's what "happens" when you become an adult. Basically, you stop "being a child." Unfortunately, one of the by-products of this is having to redefine "happiness," since it's so simple for children. Happiness is social bonding, physical activity, and play. To distance ourselves from that, we've had to culturally create a new definition for happiness.
Drinking. Having money. Having power. Having land. A family (whether it functions well or not). Religion (whether it's truly adhered to or not). Sex.

(Side note: It's not even good sex! Sex is only acceptable if it's non-communicative, man on top, meaningless, passionless sex)

We've taken "happiness" and ripped the soul from the concept in order to make a more productive and bland set of workers.


What do we do?

Stop being skeptical. It doesn't matter of it's corny. It doesn't matter if it seems inauthentic. The phrase "fake it 'til you make it," while inelegant, accurately describes how the human mind functions; if you convince yourself that you're happy and confident person, you'll act happier and more confidently, inspiring similar emotions in those around you (per the earlier notes on evolutionary psychology). When they're happier, you're genuinely more optimistic, even if you caused it by faking happiness in the first place.

It sounds stupid. Primarily because it is. It's a method of tricking the mind into behaving how you want it to behave rather than how society is trying to make it behave. And if the only thing standing in your way is your own skepticism, your own cynicism, your own fear, then you're so close to happiness. The only thing preventing it is something entirely within your control; You.

So dance, compliment strangers, smile, and be polite.
It'll make you happier. And the only thing preventing it is you.


-
Waddles