Confronting the Truth

Writing this following an exchange I had with a coolperson. To give a tiny bit of background, I expressed fear regarding the notion of going outside of my bubble; where that fear comes from, what makes it so prevalent in my life, why, etc.
I've known for a very long time that this was a baseline fear that I had, but this conversation dredged the anchor up from the seabed. Where I had only caught glimpses of a wavering shape in the swirling waters before, I was now standing directly in front of what it was that kept me bogged down.

We all have thoughts and fears that we try not to think about too hard- that's normal. Spending too much time on your fears rules your life and destroys your drive. But if we don't actively reflect on our fears with some diligence, it's possible that we continue to gloss over the most glaring truths in our lives.

It is a discomforting sensation. Heart pounding, hands sweating, and every instinct telling you to run away before you confront what lies at the end of the chain that is everpresent in your life. But it is only after confrontation that we can hope to set sail again (Continuing with my weird "Life is a boat" metaphor). It is only after fighting the hard, necessary fights that we can truly begin to move forward. Still, it takes a tremendous amount of willpower and presence of mind to begin that fight. With everything else in your life at once, maybe there's just too much. If the fear isn't causing you any problems you can't live with, why hassle with it?

Suffice it to say, this was one of the most grueling and nerve-wracking conversations I've allowed myself to participate in in quite a while. And it was only able to happen with someone that, for better or worse, I took a chance with regarding that particular topic. But, I do not trust easily or often. So it's possible that this is a phenomenon that is easier to achieve for others. It's possible that this uncomfortable knowledge is something others are used to. Something that does not, by nature, require an immense amount of effort and voluntary reflection.
Nor can I pretend that this is a revelatory experience that is necessarily common upon such reflecting.

However, I would at the very least urge you to examine your fears.Truly appraise them from the top down. What are your surface fears? What thoughts do they stem from? What situations do they lead to? What do these fears keep you from doing? Would your life be better if you rid yourself of this fear? Is there someone you could trust to show you how? How much worse is your life if you keep these fears?

Being vulnerable is hideously uncomfortable, but doesn't it tire you out to spend all your life building walls? They're cumbersome things. They get in the way of human connection- even if they do lend some protection. There are pros and cons to the walls we build.
It is not easy to admit an uncomfortable truth to anyone, least of all yourself. However, this is the surest sign that we are human. That we are fallible. That we are irrational. That we are timid and scared creatures. That we exist. That we feel. That our lives are unique and have meaning.

Each uncomfortable truth is special to you because it's born of your circumstance- no one else's. Each uncomfortable truth is a reminder of who you are. It services to pull back the curtain and reveal your existence.

It may be absolutely terrifying to find out...
But is it better not knowing?

I don't know...