The name means something. It connects me.
As I connect two extensions of humanity,
For a single moment.
Don't struggle. The ties become stronger.
The bond inseparable.
Don't fight. It is in acceptance of life
That we are truly free.
Relax and embrace your twin
Nothing but a memory,
Remember that this too shall pass.
Proof that we yet live,
This trial is proof too of the world's beauty.
For a single moment.
As you are connected to another's heart,
The name frightens you. It also comforts you.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Humans and Extremism
I hear a lot of superiority being touted by virtue of belonging to the "right" demographic.
People who work with their hands.
Liberally educated people.
People of each and every religion.
Protestors.
People who keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
Scientists.
Humans, by nature, see their way as the "right" way, often in the face of contrary evidence. We're not adept at accepting the possibility that we're wrong. Even those who attest a love for empirical evidence and who suggest that their position is swayed only by facts and logic- we're all prone to allow our assumptions and biases to color our willingness to approach an uncomfortable idea. Sometimes this can be as blatant as denying the validity of a claim at its face.
Sometimes, it's more subtle... Sometimes it's in a researcher defining terms in a way that inherently assumes the implausibility of other theories.
In the case of religion, we ostracize and condemn those who express new and scary positions. We rest assured that these people will be punished for all eternity.
In academia, we simply ignore them.
In politics, we talk over each others' heads, appealing to as many fallacies as we can in order to sound like we have a compelling argument.
We mock, we shun, we degrade, devalue, limit, punish, and abuse those who express a position that is "incorrect."
None of us are above this practice. Whether there is compelling evidence for or against us, we are wont to commit this transgression. It's certainly far easier than re-evaluating every position every single time someone is contrary to it for any reason.
And with good reason; if we doubted ourselves so much, we would inevitably spend all of our energy floundering about mired in uncertainty.
But I think it's distinctly possible that we've allowed ourselves to push too far to the other side of that scale- past the point of cautious humility and towards brash egotism. We're naturally pushed to reinforce each other as a group. In a cluster of 100 people, the movements of a mere 10% can cause most of the other 90% to move in some way, shape, or form. Their thoughts can spread like wildfire, and the assumption that because others are doing it, it must be right or acceptable is pervasive. So, in every movement, cultural, religious, scientific, rigorous, casual- we're always trying to make sure we're in a position of stability within the group. This hyper-self-awareness lends to choices being made first and foremost with the group in mind, rather than the individual. Collect a large enough crowd, and there are suddenly enough people enacting that same behavior such that the collective becomes a rolling boulder- powerful, driven by inertia, and too big to be stopped by a single part of the rock breaking away.
A perpetual feedback loop.
The extremism encourages, rewards, and invites more extremism over and over.
Until it becomes too extreme to remain stable. When a movement gets so problematic, offensive, or destructive, a combination of chunks splintering off and large groups actively trying to stop the movement will work together to either stop the boulder or push it to disintegrate.
The method of preventing this cycle of extremism and force is to be constantly aware, not of your place in a group, but how your presence and actions affect the group; how the group affects you; and where the group is heading at any given time. Allow yourself space to be cautious, tentative, and thoughtful before committing.
People who work with their hands.
Liberally educated people.
People of each and every religion.
Protestors.
People who keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
Scientists.
Humans, by nature, see their way as the "right" way, often in the face of contrary evidence. We're not adept at accepting the possibility that we're wrong. Even those who attest a love for empirical evidence and who suggest that their position is swayed only by facts and logic- we're all prone to allow our assumptions and biases to color our willingness to approach an uncomfortable idea. Sometimes this can be as blatant as denying the validity of a claim at its face.
Sometimes, it's more subtle... Sometimes it's in a researcher defining terms in a way that inherently assumes the implausibility of other theories.
In the case of religion, we ostracize and condemn those who express new and scary positions. We rest assured that these people will be punished for all eternity.
In academia, we simply ignore them.
In politics, we talk over each others' heads, appealing to as many fallacies as we can in order to sound like we have a compelling argument.
We mock, we shun, we degrade, devalue, limit, punish, and abuse those who express a position that is "incorrect."
None of us are above this practice. Whether there is compelling evidence for or against us, we are wont to commit this transgression. It's certainly far easier than re-evaluating every position every single time someone is contrary to it for any reason.
And with good reason; if we doubted ourselves so much, we would inevitably spend all of our energy floundering about mired in uncertainty.
But I think it's distinctly possible that we've allowed ourselves to push too far to the other side of that scale- past the point of cautious humility and towards brash egotism. We're naturally pushed to reinforce each other as a group. In a cluster of 100 people, the movements of a mere 10% can cause most of the other 90% to move in some way, shape, or form. Their thoughts can spread like wildfire, and the assumption that because others are doing it, it must be right or acceptable is pervasive. So, in every movement, cultural, religious, scientific, rigorous, casual- we're always trying to make sure we're in a position of stability within the group. This hyper-self-awareness lends to choices being made first and foremost with the group in mind, rather than the individual. Collect a large enough crowd, and there are suddenly enough people enacting that same behavior such that the collective becomes a rolling boulder- powerful, driven by inertia, and too big to be stopped by a single part of the rock breaking away.
A perpetual feedback loop.
The extremism encourages, rewards, and invites more extremism over and over.
Until it becomes too extreme to remain stable. When a movement gets so problematic, offensive, or destructive, a combination of chunks splintering off and large groups actively trying to stop the movement will work together to either stop the boulder or push it to disintegrate.
The method of preventing this cycle of extremism and force is to be constantly aware, not of your place in a group, but how your presence and actions affect the group; how the group affects you; and where the group is heading at any given time. Allow yourself space to be cautious, tentative, and thoughtful before committing.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
My Back Hurts
Nuts to this. I'm going home to eat cake.
That's what adults do, right?
I'm mature, right?
(I looked at my bank account today and decided that I was going to buy an Oculus Rift as soon as they came out for commercial consumption. Because I'm an adult.)
That's what adults do, right?
I'm mature, right?
(I looked at my bank account today and decided that I was going to buy an Oculus Rift as soon as they came out for commercial consumption. Because I'm an adult.)
Monday, March 10, 2014
Lessons Learned
Well, I'm a quitter.
I didn't even last a week before succumbing to my desire to be steeped in the flow of social information around me. Passive information bores me. Active information excites me and keeps me preoccupied.
(For a hilarious frame of reference: I went an entire week without speaking during college)
I had never really realized how dependent I was on being aware of everything that's going on around me. I knew that my mind had a penchant for analyzing everything constantly (to a worrisome degree), but it hadn't occurred to me that I would actually be incredibly uncomfortable when put into a position where I had to give that up.
I intend to give the experiment another go when I'm in a more stable place- somewhere devoid of ulcers preferably. =P
Beyond that, however, I'm unsure if this is a dependency or an addiction I'm allowing to take control of me. We all have our coping mechanisms for life. Some of us just want an empty space to vent into, rather than a conversational partner.
Some of us want someone who will listen, without speaking.
Some of us want someone who will listen and respond.
Some of us want advice.
Some of us want a swift kick in the ass.
Some of us escape.
Some of us ignore our problems.
Some of us take solace in knowing the situations of others.
Some of us just want to address the problem as quickly as possible and then walk away from it.
Some of us just need to be alone.
Everyone's coping mechanisms are a little different, and it seems that I cope by having a steady stream of social information at my fingertips. I expect there are people who would see this as either creepy or ludicrous or both. In the same way that I would see ignoring your problems as irresponsible.
You can't help everyone. Only the people who ask it of you and yourself.
To feel obligated towards every other friend that you should ensure their well-being without any prompt? It is unsustainable, even if it's the nicest thing you can do. "Nice" may not always translate to "practical" or "realistic."
It is perhaps time to stop seeking problems to solve, and rather, focus on addressing problems only as they arrive. Unfortunately, I've been coping for so long by trying to help others with their problems that I don't know what to supplement my emotional energy with otherwise...
All I know is that it has been a nasty week, and I'm the only one who will help me unless I ask specifically for help. So, I have to muster up the energy to snap my brain out of its fugue, so that I can act and continue growing. I'm certainly not going to help anyone or anything by shutting down and recoiling (as tantalizing a prospect as that might be sometimes).
Time to collect my wits about me, and start moving again.
I didn't even last a week before succumbing to my desire to be steeped in the flow of social information around me. Passive information bores me. Active information excites me and keeps me preoccupied.
(For a hilarious frame of reference: I went an entire week without speaking during college)
I had never really realized how dependent I was on being aware of everything that's going on around me. I knew that my mind had a penchant for analyzing everything constantly (to a worrisome degree), but it hadn't occurred to me that I would actually be incredibly uncomfortable when put into a position where I had to give that up.
I intend to give the experiment another go when I'm in a more stable place- somewhere devoid of ulcers preferably. =P
Beyond that, however, I'm unsure if this is a dependency or an addiction I'm allowing to take control of me. We all have our coping mechanisms for life. Some of us just want an empty space to vent into, rather than a conversational partner.
Some of us want someone who will listen, without speaking.
Some of us want someone who will listen and respond.
Some of us want advice.
Some of us want a swift kick in the ass.
Some of us escape.
Some of us ignore our problems.
Some of us take solace in knowing the situations of others.
Some of us just want to address the problem as quickly as possible and then walk away from it.
Some of us just need to be alone.
Everyone's coping mechanisms are a little different, and it seems that I cope by having a steady stream of social information at my fingertips. I expect there are people who would see this as either creepy or ludicrous or both. In the same way that I would see ignoring your problems as irresponsible.
You can't help everyone. Only the people who ask it of you and yourself.
To feel obligated towards every other friend that you should ensure their well-being without any prompt? It is unsustainable, even if it's the nicest thing you can do. "Nice" may not always translate to "practical" or "realistic."
It is perhaps time to stop seeking problems to solve, and rather, focus on addressing problems only as they arrive. Unfortunately, I've been coping for so long by trying to help others with their problems that I don't know what to supplement my emotional energy with otherwise...
All I know is that it has been a nasty week, and I'm the only one who will help me unless I ask specifically for help. So, I have to muster up the energy to snap my brain out of its fugue, so that I can act and continue growing. I'm certainly not going to help anyone or anything by shutting down and recoiling (as tantalizing a prospect as that might be sometimes).
Time to collect my wits about me, and start moving again.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Day 4: Knowledge Glutton
So, I'm starting to figure out more about my "obsessive" nature. As I may have mentioned, the depression really sapped a lot of my mental energy, and without it to weigh me down, it turns out I get anxious and over-think an inordinate amount.
I haven't quite determined if "obsessive" is the right word for it, since I don't much act on those obsessions. However, if something happens to make me curious, I'll go pretty far out of my way to find enough information to stave that curiosity. Sometimes that's as simple as scrolling through a couple months worth of social media posts by a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
Sometimes, it's as convoluted as finding someone's tumblr through a series of mutual contacts in order to see if they said anything negative about me on a particular day.
I get paranoid and overworried about what others think of me, which is why "obsession" seems like an accurate term to use for it. Once an idea sticks to my mind, it takes a great deal of energy to loosen its grip. Typically, I just wind up mulling over it for a day, a week, a month, however long. I can function, and I try not to let that anxiety directly influence my actions, but the exact nature of it all still eludes me a bit.
My initial suspicion is that it is an anxiety-disorder-related symptom, however that's speculation at best. I'm growing more confident that it is the root of this symptom which is causing my stomach lining to wither away to a sheet of rice paper, and to that end, it's becoming more clear that I need to find an adequate way to address the concern.
Unfortunately, I'm still discovering and documenting the side-effects I've picked up from the SSRI, which has been a relatively great success for me. Among them, tinnitus, tremors, light-headedness, and exhaustion. Swapping SSRIs would be an arduous process for statistically unlikely gains. With that in mind, the idea of adding another medication to the mix sounds... incredibly short-sighted and risky. Not to say it is certainly a bad decision, but I do think it's liable to cause far more problems than it will solve. With that in mind, I can try lowering my current dosage in order to gauge the effects it has on my symptoms and the depression, and I can try to employ manual techniques for controlling anxiety and paranoia. I've already begun using a few, such as this no-Facebook experiment. However, their efficacy is temporary at best and questionable at worst.
Still, I feel like I have to do something. I've begun to feel distinctly as though I must be creepy lately. Whether or not there are many other people who see me as such remains to be seen. I just can't stop paying attention to what's going on around me and analyzing it constantly. It's not something I want to do or choose to do- just something that my brain does if it's not absolutely engrossed in something else. I can't help but have so much I want to know about others' situations and opinions. I just want to be as informed as I possibly can be.
That's not an excuse of my behavior. Merely an explanation. It may stem from a trust issue. It may stem from anxiety. I don't fully know, but this is my attempt to sort my mind out on the matter so that I can actually work to become a better person.
That's really all I can do, right?
I haven't quite determined if "obsessive" is the right word for it, since I don't much act on those obsessions. However, if something happens to make me curious, I'll go pretty far out of my way to find enough information to stave that curiosity. Sometimes that's as simple as scrolling through a couple months worth of social media posts by a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
Sometimes, it's as convoluted as finding someone's tumblr through a series of mutual contacts in order to see if they said anything negative about me on a particular day.
I get paranoid and overworried about what others think of me, which is why "obsession" seems like an accurate term to use for it. Once an idea sticks to my mind, it takes a great deal of energy to loosen its grip. Typically, I just wind up mulling over it for a day, a week, a month, however long. I can function, and I try not to let that anxiety directly influence my actions, but the exact nature of it all still eludes me a bit.
My initial suspicion is that it is an anxiety-disorder-related symptom, however that's speculation at best. I'm growing more confident that it is the root of this symptom which is causing my stomach lining to wither away to a sheet of rice paper, and to that end, it's becoming more clear that I need to find an adequate way to address the concern.
Unfortunately, I'm still discovering and documenting the side-effects I've picked up from the SSRI, which has been a relatively great success for me. Among them, tinnitus, tremors, light-headedness, and exhaustion. Swapping SSRIs would be an arduous process for statistically unlikely gains. With that in mind, the idea of adding another medication to the mix sounds... incredibly short-sighted and risky. Not to say it is certainly a bad decision, but I do think it's liable to cause far more problems than it will solve. With that in mind, I can try lowering my current dosage in order to gauge the effects it has on my symptoms and the depression, and I can try to employ manual techniques for controlling anxiety and paranoia. I've already begun using a few, such as this no-Facebook experiment. However, their efficacy is temporary at best and questionable at worst.
Still, I feel like I have to do something. I've begun to feel distinctly as though I must be creepy lately. Whether or not there are many other people who see me as such remains to be seen. I just can't stop paying attention to what's going on around me and analyzing it constantly. It's not something I want to do or choose to do- just something that my brain does if it's not absolutely engrossed in something else. I can't help but have so much I want to know about others' situations and opinions. I just want to be as informed as I possibly can be.
That's not an excuse of my behavior. Merely an explanation. It may stem from a trust issue. It may stem from anxiety. I don't fully know, but this is my attempt to sort my mind out on the matter so that I can actually work to become a better person.
That's really all I can do, right?
Friday, March 7, 2014
Day 3: Creating Closure
Often in life, we're afforded scarce information with which to operate. Many times, this comes as a result of people who are (or would be) important to us who do not provide explanations for their behavior.
We are not technically obligated to provide closure to anyone in the same way that we're not technically obligated not to be a total assclown to others. However, it's a respectful practice to treat others as you believe they would like to be treated (within reason). The sad truth is that we're not usually capable of empathizing with viewpoints that are highly contrary to our own. In the case of human and social interaction, this is represented often in argumentation, one-sided romances, confrontations, and other such polarizing issues. This gives us the propensity to totally miss (or misunderstand) the emotions being felt by those around us if they don't align with our expectations or desires. When we don't understand the pain others are in as a result of our behavior, we don't try to correct the behavior or apologize for the hurt we cause.
It is a deliberate and an agonizing step to think about the pain you may be inflicting with your actions. It does not reflect positively on you, and it may even bring to the surface old wounds and forgotten troubles.
So why am I such a staunch supporter of providing closure and apologizing when you've wronged someone?
I rarely tread into the branch of deontological ethics, but this is a case where I do.
I believe humans deserve certain rights regardless of circumstances. To deny someone these rights would only be possible if you were willing to face consequences.
I believe that one of these rights is the truth (if someone wants it). An unadulterated and unabridged reflection of reality, so that we can all be as informed as possible. Some people don't want this truth, which is perfectly fine. Some people select which truths they care about. Some just want validation regardless of truth. Some want truth regardless of consequences. I don't find it acceptable to withhold truth from anyone who seeks it, despite the damage it may cause, and despite the discomfort that may be felt in the conversation.
However, what I feel humans are owed is irrelevant. People are wont to do as they please provided they break no laws. The only consequences felt will be those of their own conscience in the event that they're bothered by their own actions. Otherwise? The pain you feel is negligible.
To that end, we most design ways to cope with our limited availability of information. We must create closure for ourselves. This is neither an easy task, nor one we should have to be expected to perform. It is, instead, a necessary task that we must perform in order to survive with our sanity in tact. It's likely that you are not exactly like me; I do not deal with a lack of closure well. In any capacity. I love having information- I love knowing the ins and outs of situations. I feel incomplete without being adequately informed. You may fare better. You may fare worse.
But I would say it's probably likely that you enjoy honest closure.
So, create your own. If someone is unwilling to provide you the truth, then you are at liberty to supplant your own truth to the situation (within reason).
You have a fight with your best friend and they won't tell you what was bothering them?
Turns out they had been bitten by a snake that day.
Someone close to you drops communication altogether?
Diamond smuggler caught and killed for their transgressions. You're better off without them.
Someone breaks up with you suddenly and with no apparent cause?
They left to pursue a life of pedophilia, but understandably couldn't tell you, since you'd get them arrested.
I'm exaggerating greatly the extent to which its healthy to assume negative traits of others. It's not healthy. People are complex creatures who have reasons for everything they do.
But sometimes those reasons are actualfacts selfish and thoughtless. When they're not willing to tell you the reason(s), it's because you're not important enough to them for the truth, which is itself selfish and thoughtless.
One thing that helps us to move on from a situation is to see the worst in what we've left behind, even if it's not necessarily true. Again, this isn't a healthy tactic to employ all the time, but it can be very effective, and sometimes you are given no other choice. Some people cannot let a story go without closure. The alternative to a closure that makes you feel good (true or false) is one that makes you feel worse (whether true or false). If you are refused the truth, then you might as well make yourself feel better.
The guy that left you while you were out of the country, but continued to talk to you like you were still together? He was actually a callous asshat who didn't realize the damage he was causing.
The girl who asked you out to drinks as a way to get you to pick her up from a bad date? She was actually a selfish user.
The guy who convinced you that he had moved on from you so quickly to the point that he had already gotten engaged with another woman? The guy who did that just to see what would happen? He was actually a completely oblivious and morally vacuous heap of trash.
No one has the right to hurt you and not tell you why if they were close to you.
Demand the truth from them. If they refuse you, create an applicable truth that will make you feel better. (Just don't act on that truth. That can land you in legal and moral hot water)
To clarify, I want to make sure I'm not suggesting it's acceptable to demand explanations of behavior from people you barely know or just met; but someone who's been a relatively significant part of your life to that point; someone who would have been likely to consider you a friend or more. When we don't offer the truth and closure to these people, we're truly being the worst friends possible.
It's a complicated issue, and I don't mean to make it sound quite so black-and-white/simple. But I do think all people should be able to expect honesty as an innate right if they desire it.
We are not technically obligated to provide closure to anyone in the same way that we're not technically obligated not to be a total assclown to others. However, it's a respectful practice to treat others as you believe they would like to be treated (within reason). The sad truth is that we're not usually capable of empathizing with viewpoints that are highly contrary to our own. In the case of human and social interaction, this is represented often in argumentation, one-sided romances, confrontations, and other such polarizing issues. This gives us the propensity to totally miss (or misunderstand) the emotions being felt by those around us if they don't align with our expectations or desires. When we don't understand the pain others are in as a result of our behavior, we don't try to correct the behavior or apologize for the hurt we cause.
It is a deliberate and an agonizing step to think about the pain you may be inflicting with your actions. It does not reflect positively on you, and it may even bring to the surface old wounds and forgotten troubles.
So why am I such a staunch supporter of providing closure and apologizing when you've wronged someone?
I rarely tread into the branch of deontological ethics, but this is a case where I do.
I believe humans deserve certain rights regardless of circumstances. To deny someone these rights would only be possible if you were willing to face consequences.
I believe that one of these rights is the truth (if someone wants it). An unadulterated and unabridged reflection of reality, so that we can all be as informed as possible. Some people don't want this truth, which is perfectly fine. Some people select which truths they care about. Some just want validation regardless of truth. Some want truth regardless of consequences. I don't find it acceptable to withhold truth from anyone who seeks it, despite the damage it may cause, and despite the discomfort that may be felt in the conversation.
However, what I feel humans are owed is irrelevant. People are wont to do as they please provided they break no laws. The only consequences felt will be those of their own conscience in the event that they're bothered by their own actions. Otherwise? The pain you feel is negligible.
To that end, we most design ways to cope with our limited availability of information. We must create closure for ourselves. This is neither an easy task, nor one we should have to be expected to perform. It is, instead, a necessary task that we must perform in order to survive with our sanity in tact. It's likely that you are not exactly like me; I do not deal with a lack of closure well. In any capacity. I love having information- I love knowing the ins and outs of situations. I feel incomplete without being adequately informed. You may fare better. You may fare worse.
But I would say it's probably likely that you enjoy honest closure.
So, create your own. If someone is unwilling to provide you the truth, then you are at liberty to supplant your own truth to the situation (within reason).
You have a fight with your best friend and they won't tell you what was bothering them?
Turns out they had been bitten by a snake that day.
Someone close to you drops communication altogether?
Diamond smuggler caught and killed for their transgressions. You're better off without them.
Someone breaks up with you suddenly and with no apparent cause?
They left to pursue a life of pedophilia, but understandably couldn't tell you, since you'd get them arrested.
I'm exaggerating greatly the extent to which its healthy to assume negative traits of others. It's not healthy. People are complex creatures who have reasons for everything they do.
But sometimes those reasons are actualfacts selfish and thoughtless. When they're not willing to tell you the reason(s), it's because you're not important enough to them for the truth, which is itself selfish and thoughtless.
One thing that helps us to move on from a situation is to see the worst in what we've left behind, even if it's not necessarily true. Again, this isn't a healthy tactic to employ all the time, but it can be very effective, and sometimes you are given no other choice. Some people cannot let a story go without closure. The alternative to a closure that makes you feel good (true or false) is one that makes you feel worse (whether true or false). If you are refused the truth, then you might as well make yourself feel better.
The guy that left you while you were out of the country, but continued to talk to you like you were still together? He was actually a callous asshat who didn't realize the damage he was causing.
The girl who asked you out to drinks as a way to get you to pick her up from a bad date? She was actually a selfish user.
The guy who convinced you that he had moved on from you so quickly to the point that he had already gotten engaged with another woman? The guy who did that just to see what would happen? He was actually a completely oblivious and morally vacuous heap of trash.
No one has the right to hurt you and not tell you why if they were close to you.
Demand the truth from them. If they refuse you, create an applicable truth that will make you feel better. (Just don't act on that truth. That can land you in legal and moral hot water)
To clarify, I want to make sure I'm not suggesting it's acceptable to demand explanations of behavior from people you barely know or just met; but someone who's been a relatively significant part of your life to that point; someone who would have been likely to consider you a friend or more. When we don't offer the truth and closure to these people, we're truly being the worst friends possible.
It's a complicated issue, and I don't mean to make it sound quite so black-and-white/simple. But I do think all people should be able to expect honesty as an innate right if they desire it.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Day 2: First Impressions
I am almost certainly not going to last long in this experiment.
I'm a techie and an information junkie. I function via connectivity. Being pulled out from the flow of social information has left me feeling slower and more cavernous.
However, it does appear to be correlated with a reduction in anxiety still. Unclear if I'm just getting over the hump in ulcer stress or if cutting myself off socially is actually helping me decompress. To that end, I think continuing forward as is will be the wisest course of action.
I will write a blogpost daily as planned, and I'll see if reading becomes a little more feasible for me when I have fewer things to occupy my mind with.
Speaking of first impressions, they're a unique and difficult beast. You typically only get the one initial impression before an opinion about you has been rendered. This is a largely irreversible process that most people are not super spectacular at. I've never been much at first impressions, certainly.
I tend to be more of a silent observer on first meetings, speaking only after I've gained a sense of the people around me and I'm reasonably confident I won't be crossing any lines with them. I like to play my hand only after having as much information as I can expect to garner within reason.
But, there are others who are naturally quite charming.
And there are those who are not socially aware enough to realize how horribly they can come across. Everyone has their own unique level of proficiency in this (and any other) skill.
We tend to absorb the first impression we receive of someone and craft a rather elaborate set of opinions based solely on that limited amount of information. These opinions inform how we perceive future interactions with this person, which in turn shades our opinions with our pre-conceived notions. It's a self-sustaining feedback loop designed to reinforce the opinions we already hold. Difficult to break, but not impossible. Typically, it requires a significant event that makes us re-evaluate the foundations we've constructed for a person. Seeing someone we thought selfish being self-sacrificing and not saying anything about it. Watching an "asshole" run, dropping everything, to make sure a friend is okay. Hearing someone "socially inept" make a series of very witty observations that were neither forced nor clung to. Catching someone "heartless" break down and cry about a situation that is not theirs. Knowing an "egotist" who offers true and deep apologies for wrongs they've committed.
It may take extraordinary circumstances in order to so fundamentally change how we perceive someone after a first impression has been established, but it's definitely possible.
We just have to remind ourselves not to get stuck in the same pattern of thoughts, behaviors, and actions. We have to be able to surprise ourselves and others. Constantly grow and strive to be a little closer to our ideal selves every day.
Sometimes, you owe it to people to give weight to their second impression. Not everyone can make a good first impression, and it's a little immature to refuse to re-evaluate previous positions- especially in light of updated or new information. We all have the propensity to be... hasty... in our judgments. We all owe an apology somewhere along the lines for developing a negative opinion pre-maturely.
And, we all owe an apology somewhere along the lines for saying or doing something that undoubtedly left a negative first impression unintentionally.
When my contact with the outside world resumes, I can think of one such person that I owe an apology to for an unfortunate first impression that was my fault.
Perhaps speaking in terms of "owing" and "obligation" is a bit much, but it's respectful and nice to own up to our actions and take responsibility.
-
Wad
I'm a techie and an information junkie. I function via connectivity. Being pulled out from the flow of social information has left me feeling slower and more cavernous.
However, it does appear to be correlated with a reduction in anxiety still. Unclear if I'm just getting over the hump in ulcer stress or if cutting myself off socially is actually helping me decompress. To that end, I think continuing forward as is will be the wisest course of action.
I will write a blogpost daily as planned, and I'll see if reading becomes a little more feasible for me when I have fewer things to occupy my mind with.
Speaking of first impressions, they're a unique and difficult beast. You typically only get the one initial impression before an opinion about you has been rendered. This is a largely irreversible process that most people are not super spectacular at. I've never been much at first impressions, certainly.
I tend to be more of a silent observer on first meetings, speaking only after I've gained a sense of the people around me and I'm reasonably confident I won't be crossing any lines with them. I like to play my hand only after having as much information as I can expect to garner within reason.
But, there are others who are naturally quite charming.
And there are those who are not socially aware enough to realize how horribly they can come across. Everyone has their own unique level of proficiency in this (and any other) skill.
We tend to absorb the first impression we receive of someone and craft a rather elaborate set of opinions based solely on that limited amount of information. These opinions inform how we perceive future interactions with this person, which in turn shades our opinions with our pre-conceived notions. It's a self-sustaining feedback loop designed to reinforce the opinions we already hold. Difficult to break, but not impossible. Typically, it requires a significant event that makes us re-evaluate the foundations we've constructed for a person. Seeing someone we thought selfish being self-sacrificing and not saying anything about it. Watching an "asshole" run, dropping everything, to make sure a friend is okay. Hearing someone "socially inept" make a series of very witty observations that were neither forced nor clung to. Catching someone "heartless" break down and cry about a situation that is not theirs. Knowing an "egotist" who offers true and deep apologies for wrongs they've committed.
It may take extraordinary circumstances in order to so fundamentally change how we perceive someone after a first impression has been established, but it's definitely possible.
We just have to remind ourselves not to get stuck in the same pattern of thoughts, behaviors, and actions. We have to be able to surprise ourselves and others. Constantly grow and strive to be a little closer to our ideal selves every day.
Sometimes, you owe it to people to give weight to their second impression. Not everyone can make a good first impression, and it's a little immature to refuse to re-evaluate previous positions- especially in light of updated or new information. We all have the propensity to be... hasty... in our judgments. We all owe an apology somewhere along the lines for developing a negative opinion pre-maturely.
And, we all owe an apology somewhere along the lines for saying or doing something that undoubtedly left a negative first impression unintentionally.
When my contact with the outside world resumes, I can think of one such person that I owe an apology to for an unfortunate first impression that was my fault.
Perhaps speaking in terms of "owing" and "obligation" is a bit much, but it's respectful and nice to own up to our actions and take responsibility.
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Wad
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