Feminism-
MRA-
Both of your groups have a lot of members who have some nasty-ass tunnelvision, and it's pissing me off.
I get that you feel disenfranchised for whatever reason, legitimate or otherwise. I get that many of your gripes have a place at the discussion table. And I get that, above all else, as a white, straight(ish) male, I will never understand the pain, fear, and discomfort many people go through on a daily basis. So whatever I have to say now is being colored with that bias. Feel free to call me out on it at any point.
This article on cyber harassment, threats, and bullying has got me mildly infuriated. Not because it's suggesting that men bully women and that women don't feel welcome on the internet. Both of those are true and I'm not about to debate them at all.
What upsets me is the framing of this issue; as men vs. women. This classic trope that feminism has a tendency to push, which is fair for a great many reasons, not the least of which being that there's a huge discrimination gap resulting from the power differential between men and women.
However, this trope has one really nasty, glaring flaw:
It ignores everyone else.
If the next civil rights movement is for women on the internet, what happens to the LGBQ community? What about transgendered individuals who have a hard enough time being heard in the realm of feminism as it is? What about ethnic, religious, and cultural minorities? Disabled persons? Overweight individuals? People who don't fit the standard model of attractiveness?
This isn't a men vs. women issue. That's a symptom of the issue. The issue is that our culture is divisive, cruel, unrelenting, othering, and full of asshole tendencies. Not just our culture, but humanity itself seems to have this problem.
To frame this another way, let's look at this like a pyramid.
It's not my favorite visual example, but it'll have to do. The problem I have is when people try to fight the "system" of the pyramid, but taking one or multiple sections and trying to duke it out with the top section over issues of ascendance. On its face, it looks like a valiant quest that is both justifiable and reasonable.
And to some extent, it absolutely is. This system sucks. It's shitty, and it needs to go away. Forever.
However, what's frustrating me is the methodology here; fighting individual sections of the pyramid against each other is going to accomplish one of two things, if history has taught us anything:
1. The winner of the fight is going to subjugate the loser by forcing them lower on the pyramid.
2. The fighting will eventually cease and the lower section(s) will move up closer to the higher section.
If you'll notice, neither option, historically, has fought the actual pyramid. This is because of what I like to call the "I got mine, fuck you" syndrome that people have. Everyone in the lower echelons of society is all about equality... Until they're equal. Then they stop caring because it no longer personally affects them.
This results in things like bigotry against lesbians and transgendered individuals within the feminist community, racial division amongst males, "manliness" divisions amongst males, cultural and genetic divisions, sexual and identity divisions, religious divisions, opinion divisions, etc.
I'm not saying we need to stop fighting for equality; heaven forbid. I'm saying that you're all fighting the system using the rules that the system set up. A fundamentally counterproductive and counter intuitive endeavor. You're going to change the location of the pyramid's sections, but you're not changing the existence of the sections or the pyramid itself. As a result, when the fighting is over, you're going to have people on the bottom and people on the top, same as always.
This is a problem with the culture of humanity; we do not empathize. We do not sympathize. We do not give concessions. We do not hold out hands. We do not assist. We strive for ourselves and no others. I can't believe how much of a Jesus approach I'm taking on this, but come on people. We have to frame this issue as one inherent in the way we raise our children. Inherent in the way we treat our peers. Inherent in our social structures, political structures, economic structures, and infrastructures. This is not a problem that can be dealt with by individually assailing one problem with equality that you feel passionate about, it's a problem that must be dealt with by stepping back and re-evaluating what it is that we mean when we say "equality." Re-evaluating our own personal philosophies.
We all like to act as though we're for total equality and a peaceful world, but when was the last time you were an asshole to someone? Anyone at all- doesn't matter if you think they deserved it or not. All the better if they didn't deserve it though. When was the last time you judged someone? Made fun of someone? Looked down on someone?
It sucks to admit this, but even we "enlightened" are so incredibly guilty. When was the last time I saw a homeless person and treated them like a true human being with dreams, thoughts, emotions, fears, pains, and joys? I'm not sure I ever have, and it's making my soul bleed a little.
When was the last time I had a racist thought, even though I knew it was wrong?
When was the last time I judged someone for their taste in religion, music, TV, entertainment, books, fashion, or thought in general?
When was the last time I judged someone for their ignorance? For their cowardice? For their anger? For any shortcoming?
When was the last time I judged someone based purely on physical appearance?
I'm actually a little disgusted with myself when I answer these questions in earnest.
Can you say you're any better?
Every time we perpetuate these thoughts, we reinforce the foundations upon which the pyramid was built. The foundation that people are not equal. That we are inherently different from each other. That there's an "us" and a "them." That our sins are fundamentally different from the sins of others.
A war using the rules of the game just legitimizes the game's existence. (To abruptly switch metaphors)
If you want to destroy "chess," you can't simply win at chess. It may make you better at chess. Even the best at chess. But being the best does not mean that chess has been conquered. Only that its presence has been legitimized by your behavior. To dismantle chess, you can't use the rules that have been laid out for you. You have to pick up the board and put it in the proverbial trashcan.
I cannot say how exactly humanity can stop playing by the rules of this wretched game; only that we are indeed playing by the rules of it, and that by extension, we are not harming the existence of the game at all.
So you, MRAs; have at me.
And you, feminists; have at me.
Tell me I don't understand, and I will agree with you. Tell me I am ignorant, and I will agree with you. Tell me I am biased, and I will agree with you. Tell me my methods and my answers are incomplete, and I will agree with you. Tell me I am a hypocrite, and I will agree with you. Tell me that I am part of the problem, and I will agree with you.
I accept this. Maybe it will not be the necessary first step to changing how I and how humanity functions. But I believe it's the first step to fully recognizing the faulty structure in which we function. Maybe then we can destroy the game.
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