Guilt

After some much needed dog therapy, and then some unneeded VP debate rage, I decided to do a post about guilt in our society.

This is one of those societal norms that I think isn't really paid due attention, even in academia, really.

We guilt trip and shame each other for so so many... completely illogical things. Let's go down a list, shall we?

Sex: If you have sex, prepare for the slut shaming of your life. Because satisfying bodily desires is a problem. Unless that bodily desire is to eat an entire bucket of ice cream, because then you'd be the prototypical female according to our hilarious media. Not only enacting it, even talking about it is cause for shame and judgment. Lordy forbid we talk about masturbation like big kids (I even hesitated at typing the world for a second, thanks to prolific acculturation of sex being "bad"). And don't even think about having a mature conversation with your significant other about what each of you wants and needs physically in a relationship. That shit is downright wrong in our society.

Speaking your mind: This one's great-
If you're young, you're too inexperienced for your opinion to hold sway.
If you're old, you're too stuck in your ways.
No one wants to hear your opinions unless they're explicitly asked for- otherwise, it's "mind your own business." People are allowed to say whatever dumbass thing they want, but as soon as someone can come along and fact check them, the fact checker is being a big ol' problem.

Criticizing:
Along with the last point in speaking your mind, you're simply not allowed to criticize someone if they don't ask for criticism. Doesn't matter if someone's beating their kids, drinking themselves to death, smoking three packs a day, doing meth, maxing out their credit card every month without paying it back, sabotaging their own relationship, cheating on their partner, cheating on their taxes, stealing, lying, being extremely unhygienic having any unhealthy addiction, etc.
Now, with some circumstances, it is perfectly reasonable to expect privacy. Typically, when your "problem" doesn't affect anyone else and when the detrimental affects on you are negligible or arguable. And, of course, when your "problem" is subjective.
It's tricky territory, to be sure, but instead of parsing out the gray area, we've taken to generalizing all criticism as unwarranted and offensive, even to the point that calling out someone for lying is cause for the response, "who do you think you are?"

Stepping in: When you stop a bully from hurting someone else or even yourself, we have this lovely system set up where in many places (the number is shrinking, thankfully), you get in trouble as well. We also have an entire narrative about "tattling" being a reprehensible activity, often times viewed as negatively as the crime being "tattled" on.
You know what we call "tattling" when we enter the professional world? Whistleblowing. The odd thing is, whistleblowing used to be seen as an incredibly honorable way to lose your job and being untrustworthy. We even had laws protecting whistleblowers! Now, we deliberately attack them and demonize their behavior in the same sort of way that we punish kids for trying to prevent bullying on their own. What the absolute hell?!
Similarly, if you see or hear about any kind of abuse, the first thing most people will say is "mind your own business."
We have this perpetual fear that we're not exclusively worrying about ourselves, that we refuse to even try to abate societal dangers and problems unless they reach a certain threshold. And evidently, assault is not beyond that threshold...

Being yourself:
Who the hell do you think you are? Having your own opinions, hobbies, and friends?
"My way or the highway" is the phrase I think of with this. Your parents say it, your bosses say it, and, in less eloquent wording, your peers say it. We instantly respect those who follow in our footsteps or the footsteps that we too are following. Deviation from these steps is met with harsh glares and enough disdain to feed a family.
So many parents raise their kids to fulfill their failed hopes and dreams, it's unreal.

Being someone else:
Who the hell do you think you are? Wasting your life chasing after someone else's dream?
Every musician, poet, and advocate of liberal arts, intellectualism, or hipsterism seems to have the same message- forge your own path or else your life is meaningless. What about the people who aren't creative enough to find their own place in history? What about those who aren't yet comfortable diving out of the line and creating a personal identity on the spot?
Sure, in the end it would be nice if everyone found themselves someday, but there are plenty of people who just aren't that passionate about individuality.

Being smart (and/or going to college):
The current right-wing narrative. Intellectualism is bad. And shame on you for thinking that being more educated means you know more than someone else! The nerve of some people. This one straight-up baffles me. I have no idea how a person can stand there and denounce people who want to learn more as being somehow inferior to those who are content not pursuing more education. Especially in the realm of politics, where knowing things is generally good.
"What, now you're too good for us, is that it?"

Not going to college:
And some of those right-wingers are the same parents in this section who demand that you go to college, regardless what you actually want to do with life. And shame on you if you don't want to be a doctor, since that's the only profession known to man that is respectable anymore apparently. Corporations look down on you (if they look at you at all), and your family will think less of you if you don't go to college.
"What, you're not good enough for college, is that it?"

Having feelings:
Nothing like a male who has emotions. A symbol for everyone to hate. Peers, corporations, politicians. You keep that shit inside where it belongs until it festers out of control and erupts in a boiling ulcer causing you to wig out and kill three co-workers with the breakroom spatula.
And if you're a female? You're allowed to have feelings, but good luck finding anyone to share them with. Once you're married, you're not allowed to have friends and your husband sure as hell doesn't want to hear about those pesky feelings. In short: let's all be robots.

Having preferences:
You like reading/video games/board games/exercise/sports/acting/painting/any other hobby? God, you're weird.
You don't like the same foods that I do? That's inconceivable. You must have just never tried the foods properly, that's it.
You don't like rap? Aw man, you just haven't heard this song.
You're not an atheist? Shit, you just haven't thought about it enough!
And so on.

Being an extrovert:
Annoying. Whore/man-whore. Loud.

Being an introvert:
Creepy. Creepy. Creepy.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea by this point.

We shame people for being different from each other and from ourselves. We shame people for doing the right things. We shame people for making us think and forcing us to experience the wild discomfort outside of the personal bubbles that we've formed around ourselves. Maybe it's not their place to make us travel outside the bubble. But it's no longer our right to stay in the bubble once it starts affecting anyone but ourselves. Kids, friends, neighbors, acquaintances. Once your narrow view of the world starts infecting someone else, you've given up your right to hide from scrutiny.

See what I'm doing here?

I'm shaming them. For shaming others.

It's like there's a theme here... or something...

____________________________________________
As accurately pointed out to me:
"Actually women get to feel guilt and shame about the ice cream too. About as much as the sex; if we're having straight sex, we're still pleasing some man, so that's all right, but if we eat a whole tub of ice cream we are fat and self-indulgent and no one will ever love us."