Regularity

Okay, heading down a bit of a personal path. This is something you may be able to relate with, or you may not. It's non-controversial in nature, so that may drive you away if you're looking for something political on this Friday

Humans are sort of built around regularity (most creatures are). However, ours has gotten to a point that the media, culture, and corporations have managed to convince us to live lives that are altered only in small degrees each day.

I find I'm both saved and ruined by this notion simultaneously.

Let me explain a bit, since I'm sure that sounds odd. I live far more easily when I don't have to make preferential choices about everything each day. Such a burden would drive me insane very quickly as I'm not the most decisive person. I eat the same few meals for lunch and dinner. I don't eat breakfast. I visit the same websites/forums each day, rarely straying from that. I engage in the same conversations, I rarely try new foods, I haven't simply gotten lost in what feels like ages. I've begun to stagnate.
This has done two things-

1. This has raised the amount that I can think and obsess about everything cognitive and emotional in my life, since I spend so few resources on anything else.
2. This has killed my ability or drive to experience new things and, therefore, my sense of wonderment.

Going back to a previous statement- I haven't gotten lost in any activity in longer than I care to admit. It's possible that my routined non-life is actually poisoning any remaining vestiges of passion that I have in my heart.
However, the routine is comfortable and safe. Of course, the obvious response is that safety and comfort isn't always what's best for a person, which is absolutely true. Somewhere along the lines, I forgot how to take any risks, and now I'm terrified to stop being comfortable.
It's not just a mildly anxiety-provoking thought anymore, I'm almost certain it's a full-on phobia.

I'm not even comfortable with the idea of taking the bus downtown. I like Lexington, and I like Transy. This fear hasn't prevented me from visiting all the time yet, but it's slowly getting there.
Things that normally seem fun in my life are gradually taking a grayscale look as the anxiety petrifies me.

The routine is actively destroying me. But I need some level of routine or else my energy is sapped far too quickly. I am still an introvert and I am still more of an observer than an enacting agent. I cannot effortlessly try new things or talk to people- these things may always consume more of my energy than I'd like. However, it's become obvious that a stable routine alone will do just as much damage as a total lack of routine and a life of spontaneity.
Finding balance is something Aristotle taught as the way towards being a virtuous human being. Take two opposing vices, find the middle-ground, and there you have a virtue (I'm screwing it up a bit, as I am wont to do with exact philosophical ideas).

Being lazy ----- Diligently working ------ Being obsessed with your work
Being stagnant ------ Cautiously adventurous(Here's where I should be)  ------- Never slowing down
Being a glutton ------ Indulging judiciously ------- Starving yourself

You get the idea. Aristotle had a lot of progressive ideas about personal ethics and how to live. His conception of telos and eudaimonia for example. I'll get into those at a later time, I'm sure.

I just know that right now, I have to find a way to move into the middle ground or else I'm going to actually explode.

-
Waddles


EDIT: As corrected by my philosopher roommate, Aristotle vouched for the mean between two vices. It's not quite the middle ground, but rather, certain virtuous tendencies or aspects of two vices.
Subtle differences.