PEACE, Y'ALL!

I believe I've decided to disconnect myself from the milieu of social information for a while.

My anxiety appears to be spiking, with no sign of slowing down, causing me levels of stress that have twice correlated with the appearance of an ulcer now. Given that my anxieties are centered around interpersonal connections, it seems natural that severing myself from the flow of society may help to quell this tide.

In the meantime, I also have a number of personal issues that I need to work on in order to approach the person I'd like to be someday. I cannot pretend that simply addressing the symptoms of my problem will make the problem itself go away. And while this is a somewhat spontaneous decision, it is not one I'm making lightly. Rather, it seems I'm grasping at potential methods for reducing this crippling anxiety, even if they might service as a detriment to my life. But, I cannot know until I try, now can I?

Moreover, if the problem is indeed continuing to grow, then my presence online will only function as a party for pity- territory I've already started slipping very quickly towards. Rather than allow the people around me to struggle to try to hold me up by my various insecurities, I am opting instead to go for a full blackout. A disconnection that will hopefully urge my body and mind to slow down and re-evaluate it's current path and progress.

This is pure speculation, so I haven't a single idea if it'll work or if it may cause worse problems. At the very least, however, it will be nice to know that I'm testing new grounds again- actively trying to solve these problems. To that end, at midnight tonight, I intend to deactivate my Facebook, purge my phone of all non-essential contacts, and allow my blog to function as my sole outlet. It's possible that I'll come to regret this decision quickly, and it's possible I'll fall in love with this decision.
Who knows?

What matters right now is that I'm getting worse, my symptoms arrive through contact (or lack thereof) with people around me, but not physically present, and I'm tired of feeling like, at best, I'm a casual friend, and at worst a simple blight on those around me. This is not to suggest that I'm not potentially a blight or a friend- merely that that's how I perceive myself through my interactions with others. And I know it's not healthy.
So, perhaps this parasite will starve with the lack of contact.
Or, perhaps it will lash out like a cornered animal.

Or perhaps the effect will be far more benign than that.
I don't know. I really don't. I know I'm scared.
Scared of not getting better.

-
Wade